Reflection
Look at me,
You may think you see
Who I really am,
But you'll never know me.
Everyday,
it's as if I play
A part.
Now I see,
If I wear a mask,
I can fool the world,
but I cannot fool my heart.
Who is that girl I see?
Staring straight,
Back at me.
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now,
In a world
Where I have to hide in my heart,
and what I believe in.
But somehow,
I will show the world what's inside my heart,
And be loved for who I am.
Who is that girl I see,
staring straight
back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that I'm
someone else
for all time.
When will my reflection show,
who I am inside?
There's a heart that must be free
to fly
That burns with a need to know
the reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel?
Must there be
a secret me
I'm forced to hide
I won't pretend that I'm
someone else
for all time.
When will my reflection show
who I am inside?
Sunday, May 01, 2005
well. i m reallie happie 2dae. went out w my dear gabriel daddy. i miss u so much. hahaz. even though my feet were killin mi. i still luv my daddy. hahaz. meet up w daddy at coffee bean at j8. then bore him 2 tears w my life story. b4 we went 2 orchard w marlom. n loiter ard. accompanyin daddy 2 go shoppin. but unfortunately e shirt sold out. oh dear. meet alot of pple along e wae. frm e j1s 2 my x classmates. n pple was tinkin tt daddy is my bf. hahaz. so funnie. but e j1s arhz. all refused 2 believe in mi when i tried 2 pass daddy off as my bf. so bad. hahaz. went 2 hav dinner at pasta mania. i juz luv 2 help daddy spent money. so tt he can become bankrupt. hahaz. no lahz. i luv him so much. where got so mean. after tt spent e time sittin in wheelock n singin songs 2gather. i wanna go kbox!!! i m so deprived tt i tink i m goin mad. oh dear. i need 2 sing 2 feel alive. ok i m mad. ignore mi.
feel rather bad. tt my previous entry has caused sum other pple 2 feel guilty. oh dear. actuallie i m nt accusin aniwan. wat i wanna sae is tt all of us r humans beings. tt we need recognition n acceptance. when we failed. we need time. encouragement n support in order 2 move on. i dun noe lahz. sumtimes i wonder do i tok 2 much. sighz.
juz wanna sae tis. rjc is like a 'shock' 2 mi. u start 2 c different type of pple. what i experienced frm last yr till now is more than wat i experienced frm pri 1 to sec 4. more than 10 yrs worth of experience in juz 1 yr plus. e simple ting being tt i fall down alot of times. so mani times tt i m worried of my health. like real lahz. hahaz. i suddenly realised tt i lead a vry sheltered life in nanyang. yes there is competition. but i didnt c e faces of competition. i thot competition onli hav one face. i was like being pushed out of my comfort zone into e unknown. suddenly i hav so mani decisions 2 make. so mani choices 2 tink thru. so mani consequences 2 bear. i start 2 c tings in a new wae. i accept my choices. i accept my failure. n i move on. i guess tis is e greatest lesson i had learnt till now. i feel tt i m stronger now. seriously. i got past tt stage where i cared alot abt how pple tink abt mi. maybe except my shuai ge. whom dun noe my existence. sighz.
was vry happie when yee keow told mi tt she tink i become more matured. (feel so shy...hahaz) character wise i hav become wiser. yet sumhow i dun tink i fit in animore. i m gettin less n less willin 2 go thru e motions of being nice 2 everywan. do u noe how tirin it is 2 be nice? of acting frenz w everywan. i m tired. coz i realise tt sum pple r juz nt meant 2 be frenz w u. once u hav a fren. nv let her/him go. coz u will nv be able 2 hav them back after tt. sumtimes e wae other pple tink irritate mi. shall nt elaborate on tis. but basically to do w over simplification n being unrealistic. i hope they will always be protected n nt exposed 2 e real world. coz i dun tink they will be able 2 pick themselves up after fallin down reallie hard. when all e dreamz r shattered.
i feel reallie old. reallie tired. reallie empty. seriously i wanna leave tis place after A levels. if there is a chance i will grab it. i used 2 tell marlom tt his whole life is a joke. i realise tt my life now is also a joke.
2 mi. my band chapter hav alrdy ended. reallie. i m nt being depressed. angree or grumpy. i m being truthful. juz wanna 2 sae tt i luv all of u reallie vry much. esp those of u who hav been w mi thru diff period of time in my band life. u may nt noe it. but i will remember them. nowadaes when pple tell mi abt band. tok abt pracs. discuss abt playin. i dun feel aniting. coz i hav closed e chapter in my life. 2 mi. my greatest achievement till date is a result of my band life. learnin how 2 play an instru frm scratch is my greatest achievement. n though i didnt reach my ultimate goal. i m still proud of myself 4 comin thus far. e chapter hav being closed. n tuck inside my heart filled w fond memories. 2 rjcsb. all e best 4 syf. i will always be supportin u all.
i missed havin emotions 2 cloud my tinkin. coz i seriously cant find ani emotions within mi now. oh dear. i sounded so in need of help. nono. i m nt askin 4 help. i m juz saein wat's on my mind. pardon mi if i stopped speakin 2 u. pardon mi if i become silent. pardon mi if i m no longer as close 2 u. coz i hav changed. 2 become more anti social. 2 become more calm. 2 become more sure abt myself. 2 become more clear w e wae i c tings. i m so calm sumtimes i m shocked by myself. oh dear. n dun worry. i m nt facin an identity crisis. i m quite sure of who i m now than eva.
ok. actuallie i dun understand wat i m writin above. so if u dun too. then juz ignore mi ok. i m nt tinkin straight lahz. shall go 2 sleep soon. my feet is killin mi. sighz.
dreaming awae at 12:55 AM
