Saturday, July 31, 2004
ok i realise tt i hav a severely limited vocab list. nvm. erhz. 2dae is a tirin dae. maybe it's due 2 e fact tt i slept at ard 1.45am tis mornin. hahaz. coz i was helpin cheryl w her chem prelims practise paper. which is my yr paper lahz. online. was quite happie. coz bro nt at home. then can use com until late2. yeahz.
then tis mornin almost cldnt wake up in time. sianz manz. then on my papa's lorry on e way 2 sch. i suddenly tummyache. wow liao. once reach sch. i run 2wards band rm. luckily my dear princess is there 2 help mi take my bag b4 i sprint 2 e toilet. so nua. sighz.
2dae is college dae lahz. n sorta my first performance w e band. yahz. was wearin e white long-sleeved shirt n black skirt. n stockings. yucks. after wearin then i realise tt it is spoilt. so had 2 buy a new wan. sianz. aniwae requested 2 sit next 2 iris biao jie during e playin so tt i can follow her n nt lost myself among e melodies played by e trombones trumpets n horns. was abit e nervous. hahaz. ended up skippin e first 2 bars. but nvm. i did play ok. hahaz. so proud. pai sehz.
aniwae we had 2 sit thru e whole ceremony. n i was makin funnie faces at hui yun. tze hui. tse min. vicky. ah ma. hahaz. so sianz lahz. due 2 e lack of bassoon stand. i hav 2 hold it thruout e ceremony. then ard 3/4 of e ceremony. we went 2 eat. n saw ms tan "playin" w fire. e tablecloth kana caught fire. n guess wat. creative marlom took soya bean drinks n pour them on e fire 2 put it out. hahaz. make mi laugh until i wanna die. e food is nt bad.
went 2 hcjc 4 e carnival after tt. quite enjoy myself. yahz. n was walkin ard w hui yun n yee ke-ow though halfway yee ke-ow "disappear". then went 2 play tis game lahz. seek peng's class wan. find e small fuzzy balls in e boxes filled w even smaller styrofoam balls. hahaz. n got 6 balls lahz. while others like got 1 ball. so proud of myself. n i won star stickers. hahaz. n then gave hui yun n yee ke-ow 2 each as "earings". went 2 find xiang2. ended up jumpin on e air filled castle. those kiddy stuff. sighz. so "no face". nvm lahz. my reputation r alrdy in ruins. hahaz.
was vry tired lahz. coz insufficient sleep wat. 2molo i m going 2 visit ailing. i wonder how's she now. sighz.
dreaming awae at 10:10 PM
Friday, July 30, 2004
ok i m in a reflective mood now. coz late at nite. i will start driftin off. n i will recall tings tt hav happened in e past. n dwell on them. but mostly these tings concentrated on one word. PeOpLe.
i m sumwan who like to make frens w others. n i try 2 c others in a positive manner. n i muz sae. i m vry touched by certain pple's actions. reallie. wout them i dun noe where i will be now. their understanding. their encouragements. their hugs. their 'flyin kisses' (my trademark). wout them i dun noe how i survive. there r times i wan 2 cry. n i did. on sum of their shoulders. n becoz of tis. i noe i will nv be alone. reallie alone. as long as i ask 4 help. thanx u.
n i realise w alot of concrete examples tt first impressions r vry inaccurate n unreliable. no 1 example is yee ke-ow. last yr when i saw her on bus 911. it was one of e worst first impression. i thot tt she was a sec 1. n a super geek wan. hahaz. now she is one of my closest fren. life is reallie full of surprises. on thursdae i check my opinion of sumwan once again. n i realise tt X (tt person) is actuallie a vry nice person. reallie glad to noe X. used 2 tink tt sum of my ogmates vry dao then realise tt they vry lame n funnie. hahaz.
but then i realise tt as time passes. i started to lose e link w sum pple. we cant seem 2 communicate as well. feel abit e sad. but maybe it's time 4 us to be abit e more distanced. coz distance makes e heart fonder. rite? frenships may nt last 4eva. but they do hav a place in my heart. as long u need mi. i will be there.
hear tt ailing. i will be there 4 u. jia you. follow e stars.
dreaming awae at 8:09 PM
aniwae before i sae anitin else...juz wan 2 wish madan bro a happie belated birthdae. hahaz. may u always be my brother. hahaz. n pass sum of ur running genes 2 mi.
ok need 2 recall wat happen on wednesdae 28/7/04
hmmz oh i was sick. nt in sch. was at home lahz. coughin nonstop. throat hurt like no wan business. then was sleepin e whole dae away. then started doin maths tutorial late at nite. coz cldnt sleep. rubbish.
29 July 2004
went back 2 sch. n survive thru e dae until i reaches physics practical. i suddenly feel giddy n wanted 2 die. wow liao. n was tryin 2 tink of sources of errors n suggestions 4 improvements becoz it's an xercise 4 spa skill c n d. was goin 2 faint liao lorz. but when i realise no wan can carry mi...i decided 2 hang on no matter wat. finally finish. phew. but got orientation team 2005 interview. was dying liao. then still go n practise bassoon. but hav sum fun lahz. hahaz. thanx princess n vicky. n went w yee ke-ow 4 e interview. after cing tt there is so mani pple at e waitin rm. we went 2 e archery clinic. n hav fun. hahaz. yee ke-ow aimin vry gd. keep on gettin yellow....while i super lousy. sighz. but like archery alot. hahaz. so glad i get it 4 pe elective. oh yahz e interview is so nua. sighz. i tink i screw it up by tellin them lame jokes. nvm. it's ok. i m used 2 failure. dotz. was so tired tt i sleep after eating dinner. wout doin ani hmwk once again.
30 July 2004.
2dae. sianz. realise tt i nv do chem focus tutorial n need 2 hand it in 2dae. luckily ms tang let mi hand in on mondae. then chem spa also nv study. but nvm. i hav faith in myself. hav tis sayin. u noe then u noe. u dun noe then u dun noe. so. i went 4 e spa. n feel so 2pid. nvm. sumting funnie happen lahz. shldnt sae here. or else tt person murder mi. hahaz. watch bowling for columbine 4 gp then rush back 2 ny 2 watch jj (lin jun jie) concert. hahaz. pon pe. so nua. take taxi to ny. n almost cldnt cum in. coz e security guard abit e nua. yahz. went n feel so out of place. onli saw cat there. e rest of my sqmates like nt there. sighz. e sound system abit e lousy. so cldnt reallie hear e singin vry clearly. but is quite happie tt i saw him. hahaz. wanted 2 get signature but i wasnt allow into e library where e autograph session is coz i m nt wearin ny uniform. sighz. but nvm saw him lahz. can liao. came back rj n blow bassoon 4 a while. then went 2 play archery again. saw my nanny. hahaz. then went home w yee ke-ow. tok on e train again. hahaz. so nua. n eat long john silver w her.
btw i saw my shuai ge yet again. hahaz. ok. i m abit e siao. nvm.
ailing. how r u now? i wish u well my dear fren. life is sweet. n i hav alot of tings 2 share w u. i m waitin.
dreaming awae at 8:07 PM
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Happie birthdae vicky dear. hahaz. 4got 2 mention tt e band celebrated her birthdae 4 her 2dae. muz stay happie always horz. dear vicky. reallie vry happie 2 hav u as a fren. luv u always. thanx so much 4 everyting tt u hav done 4 mi. thanx u.
dreaming awae at 10:06 PM
ok 2dae is one of my super long dae. aniwae. wanted 2 take blue slip n go home after my double lectures (2h 40 mins) but then yii ean scold mi lahz. so managed to tahan until sch end. sighz.
ok 2dae civics n bio lesson. mr loh used it 2 discuss w us e datin relationship. then got sum weird2 handouts tt tok abt horoscope n courtship. so nua. then mi n jian hong were so sianz lahz. coz e class suppose 2 sit w pple of e same horoscope n both of us r taurus lahz. e whole lesson is quite hilarious lahz. but then. i wasnt feelin great. so was quite sianz lahz.
went 4 double lects. physics n maths. n was doin my gp application qn. so wasnt listenin at all 2 e physics lecturer. who we nicknamed e "raffles spirit". due 2 e large amt of white foundation powder tt she apply. heard tt she didnt change much over e yrs. hahaz. as 4 maths got listen n sorta understand. n we started on complex numbers. sianz.
mrs yeo didnt cum 2dae again. so hav double break. went 4 pw. n was quite irritated. by certain pple. also by e sch n moe lahz. last min ask us 2 make changes. wow liao. coz my grp's file is selected 4 moe checking. so irritatin. n when i was crackin up my brain 2 cum up w sum crap. sum pple was juz sittin there n laughin at dun noe wat. while sumwan else juz sit there n "curse" us wout doin anitin. i was so pissed lahz. n my headache n sorethroat is nt helpin tings. but was quite happie tt mrs jai singh sae tt she like my handwritin. wow. first time u noe. hahaz.
went 4 bio prac. n was like a zombie by then. e xperiment didnt proceed smoothly. n i started 2 whine. reallie vry tired n sick. hahaz. was quite funnie lahz.
then wait 4 mr tan 2 go home w mi n yee ke-ow. wait n wait. then marlom ask yee ke-ow 2 watch e jap show. but i was reallie dyin so wanted 2 go home. after alot of tug of war. mr tan volunteered 2 stay back n watch w us n hui yun. then my mum called mi n scold mi 2 go home. but after lookin at yee ke-ow n being reminded of e fact tt she wait 4 mi every lion dance prac. i decided 2 watch e show also. but my contact lens is like super dry lahz. e show is "e cat returns". yahz. quite funnie lahz.
now i need 2 go n do maths vectors tutorial 8A n 8B. n physics gravitational field tutorial. sianz arhz. sighz. i cant stop coughin.
dreaming awae at 10:04 PM
Monday, July 26, 2004
ok it has been so long since i last blog. shld make tis a super duper long entry. yahz.
22 July 2004
erhz was absent lahz. didnt go 2 sch. coz throat n head killin mi. sianz manz. so ended up spendin e dae sleepin n foldin e paper stars 4 ailing. finish foldin e whole bottle. a total of 90 stars. may they help ailing 2 find her way back 2 us.
23 July 2004
well it's fridae. didnt do maths tutorial lahz. sianz. was nuain all e time. feel so guilty. but. i juz didnt do. though i did try 2 do. sighz. i reallie vry slack. aniwae. chem mock spa lahz. n was quite hilarious. coz once i turned 2 my rite n saw lilian heatin her hydrated magnesium(II) sulphate. n while doin so she was tryin 2 stop her runnin nose w her left hand. so funnie lahz. cldnt help but giggle. n tt teacher who was observin mi keep on touchin e testtube whenever i go n weigh it 2 c whether got cool or nt. so nua. but was quite ok lahz. i manage 2 finish. yahz. first time out of e 3 practices i had. then had physics remedial. was quite ok. actuallie i quite luv ms tan. i tink she is reallie a vry nice teacher. but 2 bad. nt alot of pple noe how 2 appreciate her. after tt wanted 2 go home w yee ke-ow n marlom khar n gabriel daddy n bro yee kiat. but then we heard lt 1 got music n pple singin so went in 2 listen. in e end stayed 4 e whole concert lahz. until 9 plus. my poor papa was waitin 4 mi n yee ke-ow 2 bring us home. he is so hungry tt he ate cold nasi lemak. feel so guilty. was so tired tt i sleep early.
24 July 2004
saturdae. band prac. aniwae 2dae my ah gon suyi is participatin in talent time at pjc. feel sad tt i cant go n support her. but i wan her 2 noe tt i will always be a first audience. though she didnt win in e end. in my heart she is one of e best singers. ah gong. jia you. u can make it.
so went 4 band prac. practise w yee ke-ow. n found sum bassoon practise bks. decided 2 use them. start w elementary. n found tt i m reallie vry vry lousy. muz reallie start frm basics again. went 2 eat lunch w yee ke-ow. hui yun. shen ye. du yang. marlom khar. lynette. mark. yahz. lugged my bassoon w mi coz i thot i was goin home 2 practise. in e end. ended up at hui yun's house 2 play games. nua lahz. ended up at home quite late lahz. then went out again 2 attend sumting. finally reach home like 11 plus. n fall asleep straightaway. wout doin ani work.
25 July
meet up w win2 n went 2 e hospital. spent e whole afternoon n evenin at hospital. coz when we reach there we juz miss e visitin hrs. spent e whole afternoon waitin at e food court n doin sum work lahz. nt vry successful coz was havin headache. finally 5 pm. went back 2 e ward n was informed by her parents tt she is transferin ward again. 2 ward 53. e ward i worked at 4 1 wk when i was sec 3. e ward w sum of my fond memories. saw her then. oh my goodness. i dun noe wat 2 sae. i was so stunned tt i was speechless.
her face is bloated tt i almost cldnt recognise her. her whole body was bloated. n her head. it pained my heart 2 c her w all e stitches. n e tube tt is linked 2 a hole in her throat. e permenant scar she will hav frm e hole even after it closed. coz my sis has e same hole/scar. it pains mi so much. i wan 2 cry. but i cldnt. coz her mum was so strong. keep on touchin ailing's hand n tok 2 her. askin her 2 stop slpin. my heart reallie ache.
after she had transferred ward. we were allow 2 c her at a close dist. she was sorta awake. in e sense tt she will open her eyes. but we dun noe whether she is reallie conscious. n she is vry agitated. will keep on flingin her arms n movin her legs. i can c tt she is tryin 2 hang on. tryin 2 understand wat's happenin. but then she will juz sank back into sleep or darkness. i feel so sad. reallie vry sad. when i handed e bottle of stars 2 her mum. her mum ask her 2 wake up n thanx us. ask ailing 2 wake up n thanx us personally. my tears almost fall.
ailing u muz hang on. muz cum back 2 us. reallie cum back 2 us. we r waitin. we r here 2 pull u back. jia you. u r almost reachin e end of e tunnel where all of us r. waitin. waitin 4 u.
26 July
as 4 2dae. coz yesterdae vry late then reach home so nv do ani work. wanted 2 pon sch so much. then yee ke-ow nagged at mi. make mi feel so guilty tt i came 2 sch. my papa fetched mi since i m goin 2 be late lahz. n becoz i vry last min. i ended up 4gettin 2 bring wallet n water bottle. was coughin like anitin. but manage 2 survive e dae. was doin compre 4 gp coz mrs yeo absent. sianz. reallie sianz. then went 4 chem tutorial. get back mock spa. got 8. hahaz. quite happie. then remedial. was reallie feelin unwell liao. after tt went 2 band rm n play bassoon. wasnt gd lahz. coz vry easily breathless. went home w amir mummy daddy gabriel n yee ke-ow. daddy treat mi n yee ke-ow 2 ice cream. luv u daddy. hahaz. mummy vry entertainin. tell lame jokes on train arhz. hahaz. went 2 kfc w yee ke-ow. n we nua 2gether. reallie muz thanx yee ke-ow. 4 stickin w mi thruout. luv u arhz. but dun get ur head 2 big.
now i m tokin 2 tze hui. my twin sis. hahaz. n i m nuain abt e symphony no 5 piece. coz got bassoon solo. n nick mai is askin mi 2 cum n join them 4 practise so tt he dun hav 2 play my part. hahaz. poor nick. so sorrie. can i reallie make it. i wonder.
muz sae thanx 2 paula jie2. princess pei xuan. ah ma zhong ye. thanx 4 e support. i feel reallie touched. thanx 4 everytin u all hav done 4 mi. thanx. luv u all always. n thanx 2 all those who had helped mi in band. marlom khar. tze hui. hui yun. iris biao jie. nigel bro. bro yee kiat. n everywan else who had shown mi their concern n encouragement. i will work hard. thanx.
ailing i m workin hard. u muz too. we r all waitin 4 u. cum back. cum back 2 us. cum back
dreaming awae at 10:01 PM
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
2dae is racial harmony dae. i hav 2 sets of indian clothings. guess wat. i wear none 2dae. so 2pid lahz. wow liao. coz i lend one of them 2 xiang2 4 hcjc racial harmony dae celebration. then i thot i hav my hot pink n flashy sari w mi. was searchin 4 it in e middle of e nite. n wat happen. i cldnt find it. n realisation dawned upon mi. it's w vanessi since last yr prom nite. wow liao. sianz manz. or else can take pics w amir mummy. sighz. nvm. maybe it's nt meant 4 mi 2 wear it 2dae. sianz arhz.
aniwae i was involved in e lion dance performance lahz. play ba. hahaz. we r suppose 2 be let off at 12.30pm but then i need 2 hand in pw file so decided 2 pon maths tutorial. but tt mr tan n president yuen so nua lahz. went 2 tutorial. so by e time i finish handin up e file n reach e classrm it's like 12.05pm. within 10 mins i was leavin e class w them coz all 3 of us didnt bring maths tutorial n mr tay came over 2 check our work. so nua lahz. i dun noe wat 2 sae.
vry long time nv wear shi ku. sorta 4get how 2 wear liao. hahaz. n saw e long xie. remember tt time wear them n perform both lion n dragon dance. how i miss ny dalt. sighz.
e performance abit e screwed up lahz. hahaz. e rehearsal was act betta than e real performance. so nua. aniwae i look like an alien coz i was e shortest n i was e onli gurl. wat rubbish. almost fainted after e performance in e rm coz all e guys r so...smelly. dotz.
then went 4 band. erhz sit there n nua again lahz. though a lot of pple ask mi 2 play. hahaz. esp nigel. i agree w wat he sae. i shldnt be afraid of makin mistakes coz bassoon normally cannt be heard. so blow wrongly also no one noe (maybe xcept e pple next 2 u n infront of u). hahaz. so manage 2 blow a few notes. so nua. but e sch song is so nice. but i dun hav e score lehz. a bit e dun noe wat. yahz. aniwae went 2 find yee ke-ow after tt n practise 2gether. my lips tired vry easily. abit e sad arhz. then i realise tt sum of my cells on my tongue n inner lips r gone. coz i got tis numb n fuzzy feelin all e time. yahz. n my nanny jun yan play my bassoon act sound betta than mi. i dun noe wat 2 sae. maybe i shld let him be e bassoonist liao. cannt take it. wow liao. i m such a failure. rubbish.
oh yahz. 2dae hav pe. n once again i m e comedian. sighz. was playin captain ball lahz. then each team onli 3 pple includin e captain. so it's like e court onli hav 4 pple at ani one time. was snatchin ball w yingmei wong when i trip n sorta landed on her feet. then i was lyin on e floor laughin nonstop. so nua. n when she tried 2 pull mi up (due 2 my heavy mass). she ended up pullin mi in circles. n all tis time i was laughin. then when we play a class game. i m more nua. got butterfinger so e ball landed on e floor. between my legs. then i scream. n kneel down 2 get e ball. which was behind mi by now. n manage 2 throw 2 one of e captain who got it. e whole class is so amused by mi lahz. sighz. oh yahz. landed on my back again. coz i step on sumwan feet n trip. so nua. hahaz.
ailing. how r u now? pls cum back 2 us. we r waitin here 4 u. follow e light. we r at e end of e tunnel. waitin. waitin 4 u. luv u always.
dreaming awae at 7:59 PM
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
ok shld blog abt e past 2 daes. coz tze hui scold mi 4 nt updatin. wow liao. nt my fault lahz. tis ebloggy server keep on being "down" n i dun hav e chance 2 touch a com. so nua. aniwae let start frm sundae.
went down 2 NUH w win2. cldnt c ailing coz i m nt e direct relative. yahz. was foldin paper cranes w win2 n her frens lahz. fold n fold until i abit e "gong". but reallie hope tt tis will help her. our hopes. our wish. 4 her 2 get betta. as i was walkin down e corridors. i remember my time there on work attachment. my mentor. andy. n sum of e vry nice docs tt i noe. Dr Goh J.J. Dr Ruth. Associate Professor Paul Anan. yahz. they r so nice. e guidance tt they show mi n my frens. reallie thanx them alot. but e feelin tt i get when i was walkin 2wards e ICU is different. so different. sighz. it reminds mi of e time i walk down a different corridor in a different hospital. e feelin is e same. nvm. shldnt tok abt it.
frm wat i noe. ailing is gettin betta. though she is still in coma. e doc is hopeful tt she will regain her conscious soon. i hope so. n i do hav strong faith in her tt she will do it. coz she still hav a long way 2 go. jia you. ailing.
after tt went 2 buy foldin paper 4 stars n a glass bottle. prepare 2 make it 4 ailing. n went 2 eat pastamania w win2.
didnt do ani work. n nv practise my bassoon. sighz. oh well. i m juz a slacker.
as 4 mondae. went 2 sch lahz. was foldin e paper cranes at every poss moment. waitin 4 bus/mrt. on e train. durin lecture. durin tutorial. yahz. yee keow. hui yun. also helped mi 2 abit. then went 4 1hr+ chem remedial. so nua. sighz. feel regretful 4 nt studyin 4 CTs. sighz. then make my way down 2 e hospital. still cannt c her. but pass e cranes tt i made 2 her mum n sis. coz they r goin 2 hang all e cranes up as our prayers 4 her. i reallie hope tt it helps. our luv 4 her. ailing u can do it.
went back 2 sch n meet up w princess. ah ma. darling xinyi n paula jie2. 2 take mrt. eat at burger king n make our way 2 esplanade. 4 e RI ensemble concert. coz hui yan sae e bassoon vry li hai. so muz go n listen 4 myself. erhz. yahz. one of e bassoonist reallie vry li hai. shld aim 2wards there. i can do it. hopefully.
as 4 2dae it's a horrible dae. hav a cough. n sorethroat. but saw my shuai ge in e mornin. hahaz. so happie. but e dae becum worse as it goes. didnt study 4 bio spa. n dun noe a ting when i go in lahz. i m gettin "heck-care"ish. wat rubbish lahz. n e pw is even worse. mrs singh onli check our file 2dae 4 e first time. n we r selected 4 moe checkin. how rubbish can tis be. so we hav 2 make e changes n hand in by 2molo. wow liao. wat rubbish. muz thanx gorgeous. coz 2dae got lion dance n i m home late. luv u gurlz 4 helpin. muack.
aniwae lion dance 2dae i m abit e amazed. hahaz. sum pple nt as bad as i tink. hmmz. but feel so nua lahz. playin e ba4. n tryin 2 remember both e drum rhythm n ba4 rhythm. hahaz. poor yee keow hav 2 wait 4 mi. tt's y i luv her. hahaz. yee keow. i luv u. u hear mi? ok i m nua. will be performin 2molo. as e onli gurlz i feel so privileged. hahaz. tt's y i m so slack. i feel slack. i do hope tt i can play 4 college dae 4 bassoon. if nt. i will be down 4 lion dance. n avu duty. hahaz. tis is wat happen if u hav 2 mani ccas. hahaz.
aniwae 2dae marlom khar n mr tan chong keat kana gay lahz. wow liao. act so nua durin class tt e rest of us r speechless. then i realise tt president yuen like 2 change e names of e pple in marlom n chong keat phones. make them dun noe who is callin them. hahaz. so funnie. was listenin 2 chong keat n jing2 composition. how i wish one dae i will be able 2 do tt. wish will cum true one dae as long as i work hard. i hope so.
ailing. hang on. we r here 4 u. u r one of e strongest person i noe. i noe u can do it. continue 2 hang on. we will be here 2 pull u back. luv u always.
dreaming awae at 9:56 PM
Saturday, July 17, 2004
oh wat can i sae. watch windstruck e korean movie. find it vry touchin. yupz. n cry. it's nice xcept e part where e sky is computer effect n e guy like in e horror movie like tt appear infront of her. but it's vry nice. got e all white keys piano n e windmills all ard her house. yahz. tis is e first movie 2 make mi cry so much. so far e onli movie i hav cry is lilo n stitch. e part where stitch found e ugly ducklin storybk n turn 2 e page when it sae 'i m lost'. then stitich touch e duck n sae 'mi too'. i feel sad. aniwae in tt movie when e guy was wavin gd bye 2 e gurl. yee keow who was sittin beside mi sae: have a nice dae (HAND). n i remember mctay. my chem lecturer. n started laughin non-stop. when others r cryin. wow liao. keep on laughin lorz n cldnt stop. then tze hui n marlom thruout e whole show got commentary. n xtra laughter. daddy gabriel n terrence also got watch w us. yahz.
n when i came online. did i receive e shockin news. ailing. my pri sch fren has met w an accident. n now in very critical condition. n i cant visit her coz now onli family n relatives can c her. i cldnt believe it. reallie. she is such a chirpy person. she is very small in size n thin. w a wide smile n teeth a bit e out of place. always smilin n laughin. n now she is lyin on e hospital bed. n there's nothin we can do 4 her. i m afraid. i m very afraid tt i will be attendin her wake. i dun wan. i dun wan. i dun wan 2 face reality. she is so sweet n such a gd fren. all of us r hopin 4 a miracle. a miracle. i wan 2 sae 2 her tt i luv her. tt being her fren is one of e best ting tt ever happen 2 mi. though we were nt vry close but i thanx her 4 e laughter n smile tt she brings mi. her chirpy voice callin my name. life is so unfair. she did e rite ting n now payin e price 4 sumwan else carelessness. i wonder how's she feelin now. wat's she tinkin now. is she worryin abt her parents. tt's y her heart continue 2 beat even when she is brain dead. i almost lost my sis once. but we manage 2 save her. i was in e icu everydae n my dad was sleepin outside my sis rm everydae. i can imagine e heartbreak ailing's parents felt. coz i hav seen it on my parents' faces. tt's one sayin: e greatest pain n grief of all is 2 see ur child off to the heaven. coz u r e one who bring him/her 2 tis world. who c her grow. w e promise of sumting great in e future. n all tis has burst like a bubble. i hope tt they will be strong.
dun take ur safety 4 granted. tink abt others n nt onli urself. dun becoz of selfish reasons. sacrifice others. their welfare. their dreams. their hopes. their lives. i will despise u.
as 4 2dae. went 4 band prac w swollen eyes. were cryin last nite. everytin is quite alrite. i can play a few children songs. n is tryin out my new reed. but sumtin happen lahz. n i reallie cannt take it animore. i reallie dun noe wat 2 sae. i m questionin myself whether my decision is correct. whether i shld continue 2 hang on. i m tired. vry tired. vry tired.
dreaming awae at 3:55 PM
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
yahz. aniwae update abt yesterdae. i managed 2 crap 3 minutes n jon managed to crap 1 minutes. so in total we hav 9 minutes. n 2dae gorgeous is goin 2 crap 1 more minutes so tt we will hav a grand total of 10...which is e smallest no in my class. so nua. yahz. n i will be doin a backup copy on e grp evaluation on debra's article in case she didnt do e stuff again 2dae. i feel so...tired. aniwae i dun ever wan 2 c tt file again. as if i can like tt...wat rubbish lahz.
2dae pe is bit sianz. but i realise sumting. i m a gd goalkeeper 4 handball. hahaz. i m so proud of myself. n my classmates compliment mi...sae i quite zai...wow...first time u noe. hahaz.
lecture is vry funnie. hahaz. coz it's chem. n we hav mr tay. hahaz. his pronounciation nv fail 2 amuse mi. molecules becum mullicules. dotz. n line becum loin. hahaz. but he is nice. n his notes r vry gd. yahz.
aniwae i was tokin abt my tt eye candy. then marlom khar make mi wan 2 vomit when he sae one is within reach. obviously hintin himself. aniwae when i xclaimed i wan 2 puke. mr tan chong keat who is beside him sae: i alrdy tell u nt 2 look at e mirror liao. y u still like tt? c now u puke. dotz. i m speechless can. then he continue 2 add: then dun smile at e mirror. or else u will c a ghost smilin back at u. ok. m i tt terrible? wow liao. but 2dae is a vry lame dae lahz overall. yahz.
hav band n is once again nuain w yee keow. sighz. i m wonderin whether i can make it or not. reallie. i hav so little time left. n i m seriously vry far away frm e standard. syf. will i be there?tryin 2 play e disney at movies. so nua lahz. i realise tt i totally hav no melody. hahaz. no u wun be able 2 noe wat i m playin lahz. hahaz. but it's ok. n i realise a way 2 train my mouth so tt it wun be tired so easily n leak air as i play. yesh. e soln is 2 treat my reed as a pacifier. hahaz. i m goin 2 try it out soon.
oh i went 4 e interview 4 e vietnam trip. but i seriously doubt i will get it. coz no1. my results sucks. 2E 1O 1F. which is like shit lahz. no 2. i hav 2 mani cca. no3. due to my results. i m down w quite a few remedials. so. in conclusion. i wun get it. if i get it. i will give those who tell mi i will get it a treat. so. basically tellin u all 4get it lahz. hahaz.
shld stop crappin now. hahaz. go n do my work. sighz.
dreaming awae at 6:53 PM
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
ok tis is abit e nua. but nvm. i shld juz sae sumting abt tis person. every mornin i will c him while walkin 2 rjc. yahz. he lived in ghim moh n if i m nt wrong (frm his sch u) he is frm nyjc. yahz. aniwae i hav juz declared him my first eye candy. coz he is reallie gd lookin. hahaz. n yee ke-ow agree w mi. which is like e first time lahz. so nua. everytin abt him is gd xcept he is on e short side. though still taller than mi. yahz. but nvm. he is still my eye candy. ok. shld stop tokin abt him. or else u all tink i despo. which is nt true. hahaz. but i tink most of u will agree w mi when u c him. yahz. hahaz.
aniwae 2dae we r supposed 2 hand in e detestable pw project file. guess wat? mrs singh is nt here 2dae so we ended up nt handin up e file n now e file is w mi. so nua. aniwae yesterdae after typing finish e self n grp evaluation 4 my 27 pages long article. i sent it 2 e vry nice yee ke-ow 4 grammer check. since my ang moh is like...rubbish. yeshz. so 2dae treat her 2 kfc. hahaz. n i was rushin n crappin out 2 mindmaps 4 e file as it is one of e required component. at e end of it. i was havin a throbbin headache. now. e file is starin at mi askin mi 2 do up e contents page n crap out more minutes as we onli hav 5 minutes while other grps hav like minimum 10. i feel like a failure. sighz. hopefully i can crap at least 3 out...sighz.
n i still need 2 do my maths vectors tutorial. wow liao. how can i finish? my life is so...crappy. yesh. wat rubbish.
dreaming awae at 9:51 PM
Sunday, July 11, 2004
tis entry is specially for my frens out there who hav always been there for mi. i m sorrie tt i nv reallie take u all seriously. nv reallie appreciate ur care n concern. ur support reallie touched mi. thanx. reallie.
will like 2 sae tis 2 mei zhong. thanx 4 being so understandin. as our birthdaes r onli one dae away frm each other. i tink we hav alot of similarities. juz wan 2 tell u. it's true tt we rather let others c our happy. goofy side. it doesnt mean tt we cant let our deeper feelins shown to certain pple. pple who reallie care. yahz. ur support reallie touched mi. i realise how wrong i was when i juz categorised u in my mind. i m sorrie. life is more than havin certain tings/pple. it's abit xperiencin new tings n learnin. havin a fulfillin life. havin a life tt u will be proud of. yahz. i will be searchin 4 u in my first concert among e audience. thanx mei zhong. u r a great fren. though u may nt realise it. a reallie great fren. one dae. u will find tt special sumwan who will reallie appreciate n cherish u.
sumtimes in life. u n i may hav miss out sum pple who r always by our side. they may nt be there physically all e time but they will be there spiritually. they understand wat u r goin thru wout u tellin them. they r e pple who both u n i shld cherish e most. coz in e end. they will always be e pple standin there by u. at e end of e journey. juz wan 2 sae tis 2 all my frens there. i may nt appear close 2 u. but whenever u need help. dun hestitate. coz i understand e feelin of needin sumwan who is willin 2 listen. 2 juz be there. may our frenship last forever
dreaming awae at 5:50 PM
Saturday, July 10, 2004
erhz. i feel sianz now lahz. findin articles 2 do review on 4 pw. sighz. got so much work 2 do 2dae n 2molo. oh no. sighz.
to-dO liSt.
1. pw article to do review on n grp evaluation
2. crap mindmap 4 pw (brainstormin ideas)
3. chem kinematics tutorial qn 1 to 3
4. chem xtra worksheet on chem bonding etc
5. physics circular motion tutorial
6. maths june hols hmwk
7. chem common test corrections
sighz. how can i ever finish all tt. u might as well as mi 2 go knock wall. sianz arhz.
aniwae 2dae interview w mr oura went quite well lahz. hahaz. xcept i make a fool of myself. borrowed vicky's tape recorder. yahz. a vry gd quality recorder. hahaz. then when interviewin mr oura. after tokin 4 10 mins then did i realise tt it is nt recordin anitin at all. in e end mr oura helped mi find out e prob n we continued e interview. so nua. hahaz. but mr oura is reallie vry nice. i abit e ke lian him coz next wk he got more interviews. hahaz. one of them frm tjc. hahaz. but he reallie vry nice. reallie thanx him alot...hmmz.
aniwae was nuain w yee keow while e rest was at band prac. hmmz. so funnie. we were recordin our voices usin e recorder n commentin on how gross our voices sound like 2 us now. hahaz.
n my dear princess locked mi n yee keow out of e band rm lahz. yee keow in a worse shape. coz her horn case is inside e rm while mine is w mi. hahaz. in e end i hav 2 call princess n ask 4 help. thanx princess. muack. yahz. n hav 2 run 2 paul khoo's table 2 get e key. aniwae i found out tt act paul khoo sit in between my chem teacher ms tang n my bio cum CT mr loh. so nua. yahz. went 2 causeway pt n meet up w win2 2 go 4 lunch at kfc. n reach home 2 sleep. yahz.
at kfc saw tis pair of kids who r like obese lahz. n their parents r still feedin them like mad. wow liao. reallie cannt take it lorz. sighz. y cant e parents do sumtin 2 help e kids? irresponsible. dotz. watever. when health probs start appearin a few yrs later dun blame aniwan. i need 2 lose weight too. =(
dreaming awae at 8:48 PM
well now i m in e sch com lab printin my interview qns 4 pw later. wow liao. i m goin 2 die a terrible death. oh no. help. wahz...i nv conduct interview in my whole life. n tis is 4 pw. n e interviewee is no one else but my band conductor. big play can. sighz. i m goin 2 screw it up. dotz. aniwae ah ma zhong ye is sittin beside mi now. i sorta of piss him off juz now coz i 'accidentally' mentioned tt e no of pimples on his face sorta increased. hahaz. but he is such a nice ah ma. hahaz. yahz.
erhz. aniwae lets go back 2 thurs. went 4 lion dance. n saw e coach. hmmz. vry nice coach n is a gd coach. vry happie 2 learn frm him. hopefully tis joy will make mi overlook certain pple. yahz.
then rite yesterdae was so nua. when during chem prac. wow liao. i burnt tt dun noe wat hydrated copper(II) sulphate. burnt n burnt n it's still blue. then i ask lilian 4 help. n realise tt i m burnin it in e wrong way. watever lahz. in e end didnt complete e xperiment. wat rubbish lorz. n was wearin tt uncomfortable goggles thruout. so sianz. after pe was rushin chem n physics pract worksheets w yii ean ka ming n yang lin. rush until dun noe wat time. then after tt nua w chong keat until ka ming n yii ean finish their first aid stuff. was tryin 2 do sum work. but realise tt i dun noe anitin. yii ean then scolded mi 4 being a slacker n said tt i actuallie vry clever juz tt i m 2 slack 2 study or mug. sighz. she reminded mi of xiang2. who also said tt 2 mi b4. but sighz. i failed my physics lahz. terribly. 20 out of 100. lowest in class. n i m startin remedial next mondae w circular motion. which i dun even understand is wat. forget it lahz. maybe i juz lucky lehz? watever.
current results (missin bio-- dun xpect betta than O)
gp-- C5
chem-- O
physics-- F
maths-- E
shld go n revise e interview qns now. dotz. n get ready 2 interview mr oura...wish mi luck.
dreaming awae at 11:45 AM
Thursday, July 08, 2004
on mondae rite. hols. so went to watch spiderman 2 w yee keow marlom n gim hong. so funnie lorz e show. erhz at least i tink so. yee keow said tt e whole cinema can hear my thunderous laughter. watever. hahaz. but reallie enjoy e show. hmmz.
after tt went 2 sing karaoke w my darlin xin yi. iris biao jie. uncle hui yan n ah gong wei fang. hahaz. tze hao abandoned wei fang becoz of sleep. so nua. aniwae mi n hui yan almost bring e whole buildin down lahz. coz e songs we chose r those super duper high wan. e.g. A*Mei's songs n sum Fish Leong's songs. so erhz. yahz. i was screechin into e mike. so nua. then sang dreamin of u w iris. but both of us dun noe e whole song. so we onli sang those we noe. which is so nua. yahz.
then hui yan keep on addin songs. until e list was always full. in e end we hav 2 sing each song halfway n skip 2 e next song. so nua. n wei fang wanted 2 leave early. we refused 2 let him. he called my nanny jun yan 2 ask 4 help. which is absolutely useless lahz. hahaz. reallie enjoy myself tt dae. muz go kbox soon w win2. yupz.
then on tuesdae which is a sch dae. erhz. went 2 sch. got back chem n maths. n scored an 'O' n 'E' respectively. which is 1 pass n 1 fail. hahaz. quite happie u noe. xpected Fs 4 everytin. coz i onli studied on e dae of e test itself. which roughly amount to 1 hr 15 mins. yahz. then did microscope 4 bio prac. erhz. n saw how dirty my contact lens were. so gross. yahz. considerin changin 2 monthly contacts after tis pair cannt be used liao. hmmz.
went 4 lion dance. n was quite pissed. yahz. w e pple. i dun reallie care who is readin tis now. aniwae muz sae sumtin. miss ny dalt vry much. coz rj is so different. e pple r so slack. wout ani discipline. nt tt i hav alot. but still betta than them. n i can feel e hostality aimed at mi. 4get it lahz. if u r unhappy juz sae lahz. wow liao. u tink it is vry easy 2 change izzt? cum on lorz. i noe more than u. i do. juz tt e tings i learned r different. different drum rhythms. different ba rhythms. but u noe wat. i hav more xperience than u lahz. u tink it is vry easy 2 change izzt? 2 learn e new drum rhythm when u hav e old wan embedded in ur mind. go n die lahz. i hav 5 ccas lorz. n goin 2 hav 6 soon w e addition of archery. i can jolly well drop one lahz. since no matter wat. my core cca is still band. u tink u r vry gd then go ahead. i m nt goin 2 stop u. as e onli gurl in lion dance. there's notin much i can do. since i cant lion dance. i m so damned pissed. do u noe how strong others r? i mean in terms of skills in lion dance? it's so sad tt e teacher didnt allow u all 2 go 2 e xchange camp n c 4 urself how powerful others r lorz. it will wake u up n let u noe how lousy u all r. i m nt goin 2 care animore. i go becoz i make e decision 2 commit myself 2 lion dance. i m goin 2 stick w it. becoz i dun break commitment n becoz tis will make chong keat's position vry difficult. 2dae e coach is cumin down. i will like 2 c 4 myself who he is. n hopefully learn frm him n nt frm pple who r unwillin 2 even teach mi n xpect mi 2 noe. i m vry pissed. watever. i had enough.
as 4 wed. erhz. got chem spa skill A. rubbish lahz. didnt study much lorz. then went in. anihow do. n it was e first time i m writin sumtin on gas collection. n i 4get 2 convert cm3 to dm3. i cant take it animore. e regard 4 safety i do not hav enough points. tis is rubbish. then receive back bio mcq. scored 12 out of 20. sighz. n make alot of careless mistake. watever lahz. hav band. was practisin w yee keow. n was so nua. coz she keep on laughin when she c mi blow bassoon. coz she tink tt i look like i m doin 'big business'. fine. i tell u i m nt cultured liao wat. aniwae managed to set up an interview w mr oura 4 my pw on sat after chasin after him to e carpark. n my skirt almost drop down. so pai sehz. dotz. thanx princess 4 callin mi 2 let mi noe tt mr oura is leavin. yahz. n oh we officially promote du yang e pope to SAINT DU YANG. short form -- STD (Saint Du) or if u like (Sexually Transmitted Diseases). hahaz. so nua.
ok. n 2dae was quite ok lahz. xcept i juz got back my gp. erhz. yahz. got a 'C'. which is vry bad. my compo seriously cannt make it. my language got 9 out of 20. sighz. i m so useless. reallie compared 2 my classmates.
let mi give u sum statistics...
chem
4 A. i tink it's 6 B. 2nd in e whole sch (28 classes). gd rite.
maths
12 A. i dun noe wat 2 sae
gp
1 A. 9 B3.
physics (teacher sae wan. haven c paper yet)
2 F (one of them confirm mi. my physics suck)
2 O
1 Ee
rest A to D can.
i had enough. i shld start muggin soon. i cannt take it alrdy. oh gosh.
dreaming awae at 8:41 PM
Sunday, July 04, 2004
2dae went back 2 ny 4 POP (passin out parade). e handin over of e unit frm e sec 4s 2 e sec 3s. wat can i sae. time reallie flies. nt so long ago. i was havin my own POP. n my baby sq is takin over now. reallie vry fast. sighz.
i was e first wan 2 reach lahz. n was waitin 4 e rest. feel abit e weird cumin 4 POP. was helpin e sec 4s take photos of e parade. sorrie 2 sae my photography skills nt gd. but still passable lahz. drill wise i tink i shldnt sae anitin coz i no longer involved in official matters. n dun wish 2 involve myself. yes. was watchin e performance put up by e cadets n e presents tt they make 4 e sec 4s. well. tt reallie bring back certain memories. was w sqmates n sum ma'ams. but dun noe y. dun hav much tings 2 sae 2 them. i m runnin out of things tt i shared w them. things in common. being w my sqmates was nt as at ease. i dun noe y. maybe becoz i drifted away ba.
out of all of us. i was e wan w e most changes. i mean in terms of cca n frens. coz i m e onli wan in rj. i rarely meet e rest. n i like nv contact them. my 5 ccas keep mi quite occupied esp band. n i juz start 2 fit myself into band. dun noe y. i feel tt i can relate more w sum of my bandmates than my sqmates. pple change ba. at least i did. but i do cherish wat we shared in e past. wat we had in e past. but i juz dun agree w them le. rite frm e start. i noe tt i tink differently frm them. couldnt agree w sum of my sqmates. feel abit e lost. n was vry unhappy. wanted 2 quit vry much in sec 2 n 3. but now in band. though tryin 2 pick up bassoon by myself is nt vry easy. i nv tink of quittin. coz e band pple will always be there 4 mi. nt all. but there will be sum. n i can relate easily 2 them.
i tink of dreyz n chong chyn who r overseas. i miss them. reallie. alot. coz i tink i onli start 2 appreciate them after they left. maybe dist make e heart fonder. wan 2 c them soon.
tis 2 daes is reallie quite tirin. tink abt alot of tings. yahz. hopefully i will find my direction in life soon. may frenship last 4ever.
dreaming awae at 6:39 PM
Saturday, July 03, 2004
hmmz. 2dae is a super busy n tirin dae. hahaz.
first of all i hav band spring cleanin in e mornin. n i m in e com lahz. so manpower was done by mi. yahz. was clearin up until like 11 plus. then i go n check my bassoon(s). got tis super new lookin bassoon tt was condemned. feel damn sad lahz. sighz. so wasted. but found a new case 4 e vry gd bassoon. yahz. so nua. then when i start to polish my bassoon. it was time 2 go 4 e syf openin ceremony briefin. so didnt eat lunch. was so hungry. then becum vry short tempered. hahaz. so funnie. keep on scoldin marlom n chong keat. hahaz.
after nuain ard 4 vry long. finally make our way 2 e stadium. reach like 2 plus lahz. so nua. then i couldnt go out w my daddy gabriel n amir mummy. so sadz. sighz. reach there like super early n was nuain lahz. then du yang e pope vry clever lahz. he dun noe do wat then a box of decomposed laksa gravy landed on e flr n stink e whole place down. wow liao. so smelly lahz. cannt take it lorz. while waitin i suddenly recalled e syf openin ceremony tt i took part in 2 yrs ago when i was in sec 3. reallie miss e days back then. sighz.
at tt time was young. nt tt i m nt now but. yahz. nvm. then first time holdin m-16 rifle. most prob e last time holdin. remember e first trainin. i m nt a vry fit person. tt i can admit wout ani pretense. so when i hold e rifle rite. then e sir make us march on e spot. i wan 2 die. reallie. ur arm will feel notin. it was numb lahz. after tt. u will realise tt u cannt bend it at all. then i remember e first time i fired e rifle at ncc hq. then e ncc sir rite. vry power. he use one hand 2 carry e rifle n fire it while xplainin 2 us wat 2 do. i was filled w admiration. my idol. hahaz. then after tt. e trainin 4 npcc dae parade. then e trainin 4 e ceremony. e laughter we shared w each other in e contingent. contingent 2 w michelle ma'am. who is super duper nice. then e vry shuai rite marker. frm hong kah sec sch. then my best partner. i miss them so much. n e contingent pple callin mi auntie estella coz i vry 'auntie'. oh my. how i miss all tt. then e breaks we hav under e hot sun durin e trainin. n tt indian sir who is vry fierce. n e drumroll. marchin 2 e drumroll. n of course e feelin of e no1 uniform on myself. all tis is reallie unforgetable.
4 e npcc dae parade rite. i remember clearly was e marchin forward 4 15 steps i tink. wow liao. tt time trainin was so funnie. everywan was marchin at their own pace. then no matter wat. will reach e end at e same time. so funnie lahz. if u look at e contingent. yahz. n e commands startin w 'korwalan kohomatan' (nt vry sure of e spellin -- malay) meanin guard-of-honour. e pride u hav lorz.
then e openin ceremony. e pride of marchin into a stadium filled w pple. e pride of wearin e no1 n firin e m-16 rifles. oh my goodness. n i didnt noe how 2 cherish all tt then. i feel so stupid. sighz. miss all tt so much. reallie. where r u all? do u all noe i miss u all alot?
then was watchin e ceremony lahz. ncc was goh tis yr. sighz. e formation was different. they hav 5 contingents w 3 rows instead of 4 contingents w 5 rows. n their dun hav mani gurlz. while ours hav 2 gurlz contingent. hahaz. i was gekkin yee keow lahz. hahaz. n was tokin w my nanny jun yan abt e contingent stuff coz he was in contingent 4. yahz. we were marchin in e same parade. dotz. i nv knew tt e supportin contingent didnt march past e guest of honour. sighz. so nua. but i did lahz. feel so proud at tt time. sighz. all r in e past. i feel so sad. i luv drill lahz. pple will tink tt i m mad. now. erhz. i like nv touch them liao lorz. 2 bad lahz. i wasnt outstandin. hahaz. but i was happy durin tt period of time. vry happie. makin frens w other units. e pride of all this. i dun noe how 2 describe lahz. sighz.
then there's e display band competition. was so awed by e drum major n e band. they play n march n do alot of tings at e same time. after in band. i realise how hard it is 2 play an instru lorz. was vry impressed. esp w pple holdin tubas. tt wan reallie power manz. then they twist tubas ard. wow. speechless. hahaz. e drum majors r all vry zai. so impressed. sighz. then e best drum major went 2 deyi sec n e best band went 2 tanjong katong sec. reallie vry gd. their performance reallie vry gd. i m so impressed lorz. wow.
as 4 e mass dance rite. a bit e nua lahz. yahz. shldnt comment much abt those. tt after tt went home w yee keow. ate a macs. n she has a dog key chain. yahz. thanx 2 a lady workin at causeway macs. who gave us e coupons coz we 4got 2 bring. so nice. yee keow luves her. ahahaz.
dreaming awae at 9:37 PM
Friday, July 02, 2004
well. 2dae is e last dae of e common tests. supposedly e end of e nitemare. lets juz hope it remain like tt. aniwae it's maths 2dae. equivalent to sec sch a maths. i tink i did tis test e best out of e four. quite surprisin arhz. but e best i tink i will get is either E or O. yeshz.
i didnt study again yesterdae nite. i watched tv then go 2 slp at ard 11pm. hahaz. i m a slacker. after tt. supposed to wake up at 3am 2 study. but guess wat happened? i didnt. no big surprise aniwae. so yahz. was rushing 2 read thru e notes on e train n in sch. managed sumhow. speed readin wat. oh yahz. another reason 4 nt studyin is becoz i left my chapt 1 to 3 notes in sch w my first lecture test n my tys. so i sianz liao lahz. didnt bother 2 study. tried 2 memorise sum trigo formula after amir mummy called mi n taught mi sum method to memorise. but guess wat? amir mummy give wrong info. double angles formula r nt provided. then he tell mi got (or i heard so). then i didnt memorise. i memorised those in e formula list. i feel like murderin myself. yahz. n i 4got binomial series which i read like 30 mins b4 e exams. sighz. i m an utter failure. dumb. juz like tt face at e rite there. sighz. sianz.
met up w sum of my ny408 classmates. vry happie 2 c them. darlin son. boon2. xiang2. sokee. huimin. geraldine. all frm hc. then rj pple. nan xiao. lulu. pei fen. yii ean. yahz. then collect my cert. hahaz. then find sum teacher 2 tok rubbish w. sighz. miss them manz. now then i realise how gd they r. esp mr chan (physics). mr derek tan (bio)--though he tok alot of rubbish. miss them.
saw e rehearsal 4 POP tis sundae. erhz. shldnt sae much lahz. but quite pity huiqi. coz she is like e onli person doin e slow march n shoutin tt commands. wat happen 2 e other wan? is there suppose 2 hav another person? vry funnie lorz. c her run 2 sae e 'face front' command. hahaz. aniwae wan 2 hear my comments abt e marchin. then ask personally. hahaz.
goin 2 watch musical w daddy gabriel, amir mummy n 2nd bro yee kiat. shld go take a nap first. tired arhz.
dreaming awae at 1:35 PM
Thursday, July 01, 2004
well. wat shld i sae now. i feel like weepin. i feel dumb. tt's y u c tt dumb face on ur rite. i cant take it animore. 2dae is bio. supposedly my best/2nd best subj. now it's e worse subj. even worse than physics. reallie. i feel like a loser.
topics tested: proteins, carbohydrates, lipids, enzymes, water, microscopy n cell, cell membrane, photosynthesis, respiration, transport in plants.
n out of this 10 topics i studied 5. which didnt cum out 4 more than 20 marks. so e rest. i crapped. n felt like a useless person. i tink i m one of e biggest slacker in e world. i didnt studied lorz. coz i sianz can? wow liao. wat's wrong w mi. back in ny. no matter how sianz or tired. i still managed 2 finish e syllabus tested. sighz. sighz. sighz.
though e whole common tests is not counted (yahz it's true 4 rjc) but i feel defeated. my momentum 4 studyin has disappeared. i cant stand myself animore. i tink i reallie gettin royal flush. 4 Fs. goshz. i m reallie so dumb n useless.
2molo is maths. i tink i dun hav much chance. back in ny i failed a maths all e way until like prelims. which i got a b4. lowest in class. sighz. now maths is like a maths in sec 4. wat do u tink e result will be? FLUNKED. again. i wish e results r nv released. nv.
i cant take it animore. wo shou gou le. i hav enough.
dreaming awae at 5:34 PM
