Tuesday, August 31, 2004
well slept at 3 am tis mornin. coz i was rushin e teachers' dae presenz lahz. didnt reallie do a vry good job but i hope it's ok. yahz.
was helpin ms tan 2 to blow balloons. w ka ming. yii ean. yang lin. lilian n chong keat. so miss e aces dae. hahaz. muz thanx yingmeiwong coz she lent mi her shirt. though in e end i didnt participate in aces dae. aniwae can conclude tt ms tan dun hav much artistic sense. hahaz.
e concert is abit e dead lahz. enjoy e teachers' performance lahz. not bad. esp e mathematical induction wan. wow liao. make mi laugh until like dun noe wat. after tt supposed 2 hav class party lahz. but then. we all abit e slack. so. yahz. wasnt vry successful. n i keep on eatin other classes' food. hahaz. aniwae 3F food is good. hahaz.
went 2 give out e presenz. n then make my way back 2 ny w yii ean. nan xiao. gurlz2. lulu. nana. then saw alot of my teachers. miss them so much. ms tan. mr tan. ms yeo. mr chan. mr khoo. hahaz. mr chan is so cute. he actuallie printed out e class list of e classes he taught last yr 2 help him remember us. so my class was like crowdin ard him in e staff lounge while he sorta marked attendance. miss him so much. unfortunately my physics is still like rubbish. n he is so concern abt my grades. hahaz. luv him. our dear mr potato. saw derek tan also. n e most rubbish ting is he actuallie saw e episode of Get Rea! on CNA. e wan tt i was interviewed. i feel...nua. hahaz. he reallie resemble marlom. xcept e body size n shape. hahaz. his tummy is gettin bigger. hahaz.
n i was kana suaned by a total of 3 teachers 2dae of my size. nua. okok. i noe i need 2 lose weight. but tis is reallie vry nua. in e mornin mr loh suaned mi by saein tt my waist confirmed thicker than him. then back in ny. mr khoo suaned mi again. after tt derek tan suaned mi again. ok fine. wateva. hahaz. miss derek tan. n his lame jokes vry much. sighz. i reallie miss ny. dun noe y. i dun reallie feel e affection i hav 4 ny 4 rj. maybe 2 yrs is reallie vry short ba.
actuallie wanted 2 go back 2 pri sch. but then. my presenz 4 my pri sch teachers r ruined lahz. so hav 2 redo. so in e end went 2 eat w sum of classmates. those i m close w of course. which is basically half of e class lahz. hahaz. at SIM. e food is not bad u noe. quite good. n we tok lahz. or i tok then they listen lahz. was tellin them abt my shuai ge. hahaz. n yii ean is like practically wanna 2 wreck mi liao. coz i like mention him every dae? hahaz.
went 2 xiang2 house 2 nua after tt. feel so tired. n we were like tokin rubbishz lahz. but i reallie feel vry happie. vry happie. n e feelin of affection is there lorz. i can reallie sae tt they r my true frenz who will stick by mi no matter wat happen. luv them always. always. n we play bridge too. hahaz. i m gonna organise a class party durin e dec hols. i miss them manz. hahaz.
n thanx hui yun. 4 e presenz. ur concern n encouragment i will always remember it in my heart. thanx. luv u. muack. n can tell mi more abt .... soon. i m vry interested. hahaz.
oh yahz. muz not 4get. my shuai ge. hahaz. 2dae rite. yee ke-ow cum 2 sch w mi. then we were like discussin lahz. then she sae tt if she c my shuai ge. she will start coughin. then it's like we walk n walk n walk until nearin e rubbish dump. still didnt c. so i was like maybe he pon sch 2dae. hahaz. juz at tis moment. yee ke-ow started coughin vigorously/violently. then 4 one moment i reallie thot she vry sick. then i look up n realise tt my shuai ge is in front. juz tt 2dae he is wearin his house tee w shorts. arhz. n i nua can. hahaz. cant wait 2 get e cd frm marlom on thurs. hopefully can find out who he is...hmmz. i m obsessed. hahaz.
dreaming awae at 8:35 PM
Monday, August 30, 2004
well. quite long since i last blog. aniwae tis will be a vry long entry. coz currently my mood is nt gd. n it seriously make mi retink e wae i hav been doin tings. yahz.
shld tok abt last fridae first. erhz. went 4 pe 2 do e aces daes ting. which basically is juz kickin ur legs. sighz. then went 2 e newater plant 4 learnin journey. hahaz. which is quite sianz lahz. n i brought wenzi w mi. ms tan's rabbit. hahaz. coz she encourages mi 2. luv ms tan alot. she is actuallie a vry funnie person. hahaz. went back 2 sch. actuallie wanted 2 c my shuai ge runnin. apparently luck is nt w mi lahz. sighz. didnt get 2 c at all. so abit e waste my hope n time.
was busy studyin 4 my maths test lahz. then did it on sat mornin. tink i did quite badly lahz. nvm. then was basically tryin 2 run 2 sch w my bassoon on sat mornin. then was tryin 2 practise bassoon. but not vry successful coz i ard 3 wks nv practise le. so easily tired lahz. n was nuain w yee ke-ow. after tt went 2 westmall w marlom on his dad's car. n i feel so giddy after e trip. hahaz. seriously i tink i m nt used 2 cars. e other time i feel giddy on amir mummy's dad's car. hmmz. went 2 meet president yuen then went 2 buy debra's presenz. n then went 2 eat lahz. n i 4got my dosage of medication. sighz.
went 2 marlom's house 2 help out. in e end was nuain there. after tt helped 2 move e stuff down 2 e car 2 be ferried over 2 e condo. n after tt was watchin chong keat n marlom playin e eye toy. so funnie. make mi laugh until i wan 2 die. hahaz.
everywan finally reaches lahz. n we started 2 eat. marlom n i went 2 get more drinks n e majong set n stuff. n met debra n lianne. e party is ok lahz. after tt was nuain ard. basically i feel like a real maid. hahaz. no lahz. it's quite fun actuallie. send ka ming. yii ean. lilian n mel off. then was kana pushed into e pool while pushin pple into e pool. sighz. so was swimmin in my full sch u. so... hahaz. after tt send debra. lianne. jian hong. kevin back. yahz. i tink i will miss her.
reallie enjoy my time in e pool. e sky is abit e too cloudy though. but it's still a beautiful nite. if onli there is more stars. hahaz. wat a perfect nite 2 dream. of. none other. than my shuai ge. hahaz. no lahz. juz nuain ard.
after tt shower. chong keat n yi jing almost cannot stay over. luckily they did. n we play majong. hahaz. n marlom almost died in e process. he is like dyin 2 sleep lahz. so we stopped e game n he went 2 sleep. i went 2 finish up his 2 comic bks. while chong keat n yi jing went 2 play e eye toy again. fall asleep ard 5 plus am. yahz. n wake up at 7 plus. then continue 2 sleep until 10 plus.
went 2 eat after tt. n went home lahz. 2 sleep. hahaz. after tt went 2 eat dinner w family. wow i m a pig. hahaz. after tt was watchin tv. onli started studyin ard 10 2wards 11. yahz. n was tokin on e phone w yee ke-ow. so didnt do much. hahaz.
c e doc again 2dae. sighz. it's cumin back. so tis time she gave mi even stronger antibiotics. i reallie hope i will get well soon. n she vry nice. coz she subsidised my medication fee. feel so grateful 2 her.
basically i tink i shldnt mention e incident animore. but juz wan 2 sae tis. my tolerencel level is onli juz tis. i muz sae tt i reallie try 2 control my temper. but tis yr is reallie vry xceptional. i m reallie pissed twice alrdy. n both becoz of pple. wat shld i sae? i definitely tink tt ny pple at least my sec 3 n 4 classmates r good. at least most of them. yeshz. n they nv doubt mi. n lose their faith in my integrity n my character. n thanx 2 yee ke-ow. yii ean. ka ming. yang lin. mei zhong. birdie. ymw. 4 listenin 2 mi. n being so understandin. sumtimes. it's onli thru tis type of incident. will u reallie appreciate others. sum pple r juz not worth e effort. n if u happen 2 be readin tis. let mi tell u tis. u r reallie vry immature. n u reallie need 2 learn 2 listen. i mean listen. reallie listen. all u care is urself. 2 portray urself as e good guy. e wan who is understandin. e wan who is tryin 2 take e blame 4 ME. e wan who is e rite wan. hello. take a look at urself. no wan is tt gd. since u alrdy decided 2 do tings in ur wae. then 4get it. in e past i used 2 tink tt u r abit e shallow. now i tink tt u reallie hav no depth. u r a hypocrite. yesh. n borrow wat birdie hav been saein. u r a louse. i muz sae tt i learn quite alot of tings frm tis incident. tt sumtimes pple r nt wat they seem 2 be. tt there r pple r there who r reallie vry selfish. i m nt saein tt i m nt selfish. i m actuallie. esp when it cums 2 money matters. coz i m nt rich. my family is nt rich. n wheneva i need money i get it frm my savings. u noe wat. university fees is one of my major probs after i finished my a levels. so unlike sum other pple. i dun c university education as sumtin 2 be taken 4 granted. but i do reallie try 2 help others if i can. sumtimes i wonder whether i m juz being 2 busybody. wat did i get in return. notin. no i shld sae. it shld be a bagful of xcues n insults n e feelin of being wronged. n juz wan 2 sae tis 2 e class. i m sorrie 4 causin so much inconvenience. n seriously hope tt u all will pass e chem test w flyin colours. hope u all wun be angree 4 long.
i wonder i wonder. y m i doin all tis. seriously sch hav no joy 4 mi. reallie no joy. sumtimes i will comtemplate e idea of droppin out. but i can foresee my family reaction. so. i hav no choice. life is reallie insultin. i truly appreciate my sec sch frens now. yii ean. boon2. xiang2. xiuli. nan xiao. darlin son. darlin daughter. my zhu mei. lulu. ms poon. arlene. yun shan. vanessi. shi qi. seek peng. tis is e grp of pple who will nv leave mi alone. nv. how i miss u all. how much. do u all noe.
frm now on. i learn 2 protect myself. u r juz nt worth it. 4get it. i m 2 tired 2 care. u can do as u deem fit. wateva. in my opinion. u r no longer there. no longer there. we r frens no more.
dreaming awae at 7:31 PM
Thursday, August 26, 2004
ok. i m sick. quite sick. w a horrible headache now. but my nose is gettin betta. which i muz sae. finallie. wow liao. i suffer e horibble runnin nose n all those mucus 4 at least one n a half week. gross. but my sore throat is like gettin worse. so 2dae when i went 2 c e doc. she gave mi tis phlegm bottle 2 put my phlegm inside. so tt they can sent 4 tests. erhz. i try 2 lahz. but i dun reallie noe how 2 cough out my phlegm. yahz. hahaz. okok. stop grossin pple out.
as 4 yesterdae. went 4 my last lesson of archery. it's my best lesson lahz. finallie get 2 shoot at e yellow zone. basically e zone where u can get 9 or 10 pts. yahz. after shootin 4 5 rounds. got a score of 198. quite proud of myself. hahaz. n i beat marlom khar. n my dear ah gong wei fang. hahaz. but my arrows like dispersed settlement like tt. all over e place. so nua. hahaz. then went 4 e S cube seminar lahz. xpected it 2 be vry borin n sianz but then. turned out quite ok lahz. n i touched m-16 4 e last time in my life i tink. quite sad lahz. i miss e parade. n drills. i tink i m mad. nvm. n i muz sae tt guys who went thru NS reallie look more mature n manly. yahz. n if u can wear e uniform well. u will look vry shuai. so yahz. hmmz. wonder. i wonder. hahaz.
enjoy e ambush ting most. but b4 tt. sumting funnier happen lahz. e officer cadet who was my class n 3C tour guide did sumtin vry funnie. it's like they ask him 2 demo how 2 do an obstacle tinggy. then he lost his grip when he jump onto e rope n fall 2 e ground. i reallie cldnt stop laughin. hahaz. e video is kinda sianz lahz. n e tok abit also lahz. but overall. it's betta than wat i xpected. yahz. n i miss marchin. coz in e OCS. like in PA like tt. wherever u go u muz march. reallie miss marchin. sighz. i m goin mad.
was reallie vry tired after e trip. n was coughin on e bus. quite badly. n tis mornin wake up w a splitin headache. so didnt go 2 sch. n didnt c my shuai ge. abit e sad. sighz. hahaz. okok. muz go n do sum work now.
n i m usin my sis account now. coz my bro he changed my account password. nua. wateva lahz. luckily i noe my sis password. but 4 now. i cant access all my documents. actuallie i dun reallie care lahz. wateva lorz. nowadae i hav a habit of sendin my docu back 2 my own email account. so yahz. i tink pw wun be affected. sighz.
dreaming awae at 9:30 PM
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
u noe wat. i realise sumting. promos is like how near lorz. wow liao. n i haven started studyin. i m dead manz. rubbishz.
4 e past few daes. after finishin e stars 4 marlom khar. i was rushin e stars 4 yee ke-ow. coz. i wan her 2 tink of mi every moment can. hahaz. no lahz. juz 2 tell her no matter wat happen. my 300 plus wishes n hopes r w her. n tt i will always be there 4 her. hmmz. muz feel touched horz. hahaz. n e 20 stars tt u folded urself r inside 2. 2 remind u tt ur aspirations r there too. so muz nv give up. yupz.
erhz. was piain bio 2dae lahz. n it's 2 late when i realise tt i was piain e wrong tutorial. wow liao. luckily mr loh didnt sae anitin. was kana lectured by ms tang 4 'ponin' her chem tutorial cum remedial. i didnt reallie pon lahz. but...hahaz. ok. so took e chem class test 2dae. n officially flunk it. hahaz. officially. if i pass. then i m a saint. hahaz. n ms chua n ms tan so bad. was disturbin mi while i was doin e paper. nua. esp ms chua. hahaz. but muz sae i kinda miss her lahz. her jumpy nature while teachin chem back in nanyang. hahaz. make my whole stony class nua. i miss 408. vry vry much. sighz.
aniwae 2dae survive 2 lects again. then i hav ms tan's rabbit 4 company. it's so cute lorz. hahaz. then mrs singh is finally here 2dae. n our pw is progressin abit lahz. sighz. pw is reallie rubbishz lahz. sighz.
bio lect is like a marathon 4 e whole class. was doin it w ka4 ming. yang lin. yii ean. lilian n birdie. coz yingmeiwong was away 4 e prime minister bk prize. birdie look so lost 2dae wout yingmeiwong. poor birdie. but i muz sae overall. skill c n d spa r reallie vry horrible. after xperiencin physics now i hav bio. n soon it's chem. sighz.
still vry sick 2dae. my mucus juz cldnt stop. i feel so gross lahz. i hate bein sick. sighz. n i like ms tan's rabbit vry vry much. sighz.
went 2 eat pizza hut 2dae w my sis. she treats mi. feel so happie. hahaz. n my mum n dad went back 2 malaysia 2 c my aunt who is in hospital. i hope all is well.
n 2dae suppose 2 try 2 c my shuai ge runnin. but apparently he dun run on tues. i m so disappointed. hahaz. then tis mornin. didnt get 2 c his face lahz. coz my contact lens was vry dry n it's dark. n i onli realise tt it's him when he is walkin behind 2 rows of cars. n he's quite short. so overall. i cldnt reallie c him lahz. so 2dae is a bad dae. hahaz.
muz go n mug 4 maths test now. actuallie i m goin 2 watch tv lahz. hahaz. slacker. yeahz.
dreaming awae at 7:28 PM
Monday, August 23, 2004
i m still sick. sighz. went 2 c e doc again 2dae. n is takin stronger antibiotics now. it's so gross. sighz. i wan 2 get well soon. get well. being sick is nt fun at all. yuckz.
oh yahz muz tok abt yesterdae. was sleepin my whole dae away lahz. but then i manage 2 catch e episode of GEt REa! tt hav my interview. wow liao. it's so gross. decided i shld nv kana interview again. then watch e national dae rally. muz sae tt PM Lee quite funnie. hahaz. quite entertained by his speech. hmmz. yahz. ended up piain chem focus until 2 plus am. n slept at 3 am. wow liao. was basically a walkin zombie 2dae. n took blue slip 2 go n c e doc. hahaz. brought yee ke-ow w mi lahz. n e doc is so funnie. n educational. everytime will xplain 2 u where in ur body goes wrong. hmmz. a vry dedicated doc i muz sae.
n tis bring us 2 gp 2dae. coz we r discussin e educatn system in singapore. yahz. n i seriously detest tt 2pid pearls system. i feel tt it's vry unfair 2 students who r nt xceptional in ani ting. which of course include myself. then we r discussin whether students nowadaes join ccas becoz they r gd at it n nt neccessarily becoz they like it or hav an interest in it. then lianne was like saein tt it's true coz pple who hav no musical backgrd wun like go n join band now. hahaz. well. i m a live xample who did juz tt. join band wout ani knowledge of playin tt instru n basic music theory. it's so gross. hahaz. i muz sae. screw pearls system. well. if i ever get e chance 2 go 4 scholarship interview. n if they were 2 ask mi wat is my greatest achievement in life. i will sae i learn how 2 play a music instru within a yr. coz reallie. i nv c myself playin ani instru. dun even need 2 sae tt i will be in a music cca. so. yahz. n if they were 2 ask mi y my cca grade is so rubbishz. i will juz sae. i m nt particularly gd at anitin. so if they r lookin 4 sumwan w e talent. then 4get it i m nt tt sumwan they r lookin 4. n tt pearls system is biased 2wards onli a small grp of pple. wat abt e rest of e tens of thousands of singaporean youths? ministry of education of singapore. it's time 2 reflect. u r putin more stress on students. juz by makin e environment more competitive.
life's nua. hahaz. i run out of vocab. maybe one dae i will find tt sumtin tt i m gd at. hopefully. before. i was forgotten by e society.
dreaming awae at 11:26 PM
Saturday, August 21, 2004
like usual muz tok abt e past few daes first. truthfully. i reallie treat tis blog like an online diary. coz my memory is like rubbishz. which pple close 2 mi shld realise by now. so yahz. if u find mi longwinded. then. u nua lahz. coz tis is my blog wat. hahaz.
aniwae on thursdae. 19 august. notin much 2 sae coz notin much happen. xcept my physics spa. skill C n D. which is my worst skills lahz. furthermore i miss a 2tal of 2 pracs. which is 2 sae i miss 2 practises. so was quite scared lahz. but luckily got sumwan who help mi. n it's none other than mei zhong. hahaz. thanx arhz. so after physics prac went 2 band rm 2 rot. n ended up doin jigsaw. so funnie. e jigsaw is so cute. showin an orchestra. then went 4 o team briefin. yahz. then halfway thru e briefin. marlom msged mi 2 tell mi he saw my shuai ge runnin w naked torso once again. i m so gek. wow liao. i wan 2 c. sobz. n i still tink tt marlom c e wrong guy. hmmz. i muz c 4 myself 2 believe it. yahz. so in e end. mi n yee ke-ow stay behind 2 do e jigsaw until like 8 plus. was vry tired when reach home lahz. but didnt do hmwk coz i m rushin 2 finish e stars 4 marlom khar. as a source of encouragement frm mi. n sumting 2 remind him tt no matter wat. i will be there 2 support him. tt he is as precious 2 mi as a fren as those stars. yahz.
as 4 yesterdae. 20 august. didnt c my shuai ge. was quite disappointed. sighz. hahaz. oh no i m gettin so obsessed. but u muz understand tt unlike most pple. my eye candy is nt in e same sch as mi. n i onli c him 4 max 7 seconds each dae. so. of course i muz cherish e opportunity to c him. end of yr when we moved 2 bishan. i will nv c him again. sadz. sighz.
after sch was nuain ard lahz. n was quite irritated coz i cldnt find e class photocopyin card. n i hav 2 'donate' my precious A*Mei cd case 2 replace e cracked cd case. was so pissed. yahz. then went 4 mass physics remedial. saw alot of familiar faces. hahaz. we r e physics nuaers. hahaz. i muz mug 4 physics. i dun believe tt i m such a failure. yahz. but i do conclude tt mass remedial r quite useless. n durin remedial i was quite distracted. was takin photos of lester usin gorgeous' phone. vry nice. hahaz. after tt went 2 eat kfc at westmall w marlom n yee ke-ow. n tok rubbishz.
2dae. erhz. i was 2 tired 2 wake up. so ended up vry late then reach sch. then went 4 avu. n ended up watchin movie w yee ke-ow in e avu rm. but then. e tape didnt record finish so we like onli watch half? went 2 hav lunch w alot of pple includin my dear amir mummy. who took e same train 2 sch as mi tis mornin. but didnt c mi like until we reach buona vista. hahaz. lugged basson w mi 2 go 4 blyc meetin. n saw grace. hahaz. e gurl frm rgs. acjc. n live opposite 2 yee ke-ow. n she is a vry nice person. hahaz. then stay back 2 watch li jia wei play against tis north korea person in e table tennis semi finals. she is vry gd. but still lost lahz. was abit e disappointed. but i tink she is reallie vry powerful le. reallie dun xpect her 2 enter e top four. but she did it. those she can no longer be e top 2 position. but she hav a chance 4 e bronze metal. she is my role model. e person who i reallie admire. 4 her cool composure durin e match n her sportsmanship. yeshz. no matter wat happen. i tink singaporeans shld reallie feel proud. coz she reallie fight 4 our country. no matter wat happen. i juz wan 2 sae tt she still hav at least 2 more tries at e olympics. n tt as long as one believe in himself/herself. he/she will make it. jia you jia wei.
2 yee ke-ow. frenship may nt last 4eva. but i will always remember e fightin spirit tt u show. hahaz. dun get ur head 2 big. n i will like 2 tell everywan tt. as long as u believe. u will do it. we always sae tis person is vry talented in music etc. but wat is talent? sumting frm e genes? but i tink tt it's e belief tt we can do sumting well. do sumting we hav an interest in well. as long as we believe. we can do it. believe in ur capabilities no matter how much failures u encounter. but do understand ur weak pts n work on them. onli like tis can u achieve e success u wan in life. may happiness be w u always.
dreaming awae at 10:25 PM
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
hmmz. haven blog 4 sum time. a 2tal of 5 daes. mani tings hav happened. n i dun reallie noe how shld i feel or tink.
on sat 14 august. i went 4 band. but b4 tt went 2 help out at avu. actuallie didnt help lahz. juz appear tt n slack ard. hahaz. then went 2 browse thru all e scholarships booths in e hall. will be usin sum of those as my motivations 2 study. after tt. went back 2 practise abit of bassoon w yee ke-ow. n i tried 2 play trumpet. i sound like rubbishz. i tink i betta stick 2 bassoon. though i m nt playin well 4 it either. went 2 du yang house 2 watch il mare. a korean show lahz. unfortunately. e response wasnt gd. hahaz. n du yang play piano accompanied by his cousin who played e violin. then we sing. so fun. i reallie wan 2 learn e piano. sighz. but i cant. as least 4 tis 2 yrs. supposed 2 watch dim sum dollies at e esplanade. but then marlom khar cldnt go. so in e end. mi n yee ke-ow also nv go. went 2 eat kfc. n went home.
on sundae. 15 august. yee ke-ow cum 2 my house n nua. i was supposedly rushin my analysis 4 e first draft of e pw. unfortunately both of us were distracted. n ended up watch beauty n e beast. reallie like e song. vry nice. n didnt do much work lahz.
as 4 mondae. 16 august. went 2 sch. but was feelin vry sick lahz. was actuallie sick 4 ard 3 wks le. but it was one of those vry bad daes. my whole nose is blocked n i cldnt breathe properly. survive thru 2 lectures n gp. then take blue slip 2 go home. went 2 c e doc. n there goes my fifty dollars. wow liao. so xpensive. i almost fainted when i heard e cost. nvm. aniwae wat i caught is nt flu but sumting 2 do e air spaces linkin e nasal/nostrils. there r infected. n all my mucus/phlegm r yellow in colour. gross. n i didnt c my shuai ge. i m so sad. aniwae. was quite happenin in e evenin. n i look so 2pid lahz. but luckily. i can sleep peacefully. n e others too.
yesterdae. 17 august. go 2 sch w yee ke-ow. n saw my shuai ge. n feel so pai sehz. sighz. mrs yeo didnt cum n mrs singh didnt cum. so our pw is like dead lahz. i officially declared my grp is 'screwed'. hav double lectures. n tze hui sis joined e med fac 4 maths. hahaz. n she ended up doin lit. oh my goodness. n tryin desperately 2 remain awake durin bio prac. was like sitin between 7 out of e 8 guys in my class. hahaz. so funnie lorz. n they tried 2 chase mi away. slack ard after tt. n went 4 lion dance. n realised tt my pe shirt is missin. sighz. i dun noe lahz. but i tink i may quit lion dance. coz. i m nt makin much progress lahz. sighz.n e orientation team 2005 list is out. n i feel... nua. i dun noe how i shld feel. was quite shocked at sum of e names lahz. went 2 causeway pt by my amir mummy's daddy car. hahaz. n was quite giddy frm e drive. so was sleepin durin e journey. went 2 eat w yee ke-ow again.
as 4 2dae. 18 august. i feel tired. aniwae. saw my shuai ge once again. n tis time round. it's even worse. yee ke-ow is sick 2dae. was walkin vry slowly 2dae. while walkin past. i glanced at him twice. n realised tt he is lookin at mi. nua. m i tt obvious? reach sch n realised tt i nv bring alot of stuff. n nv do alot of tutorial. went 4 archery. then physics tutorial. n get back my physics test. i failed. i m so disappointed. reallie vry disappointed. coz tis is e sorta first physics test tt i understand e concepts n got practise. but i still fail. though ms tan said tt i m on e rite track. tt actuallie my methods r correct. juz tt my substitution r incorrect. or i dun noe how 2 use a calculator correctly. went 4 e cancer tok by a professor after sch. after watchin e lunch time concert. muz sae it's quite gd. hahaz. e tok is interestin but i m so tired. tt i dozed off a few times. after tt supposed 2 go 4 band prac. but i seriously cant play w all e phlegm n mucus chokin mi. so went home.
muz sae tis 2 sumwan. i nv sae cheer up coz i been thru e failures w u. no matter wat. i believe n hav strong faith in u. tt u will find ur way back. coz u r nt weak. though both of our academic results r like rubbishz. but wat matter most is e character. if they dun appreciate u. so be it. there will be pple who appreciate u. as long as u nv give up n look 4 e opportunities. jc life sucks. tt's all i can sae. n sorrow is nt a sign of weakness. i understand tt alot of e time. it's becoz of wat happened in e past tt make pple tink in a particular way. tis apply 2 sumwan else. but we r all humans. we r nt perfect. we r emotional. no matter how indifferent we seem 2 be. give in 2 it. but dun wallow in it. u r one of my closest fren. n i noe u r one of e strongest person i noe. will be always here 2 lend u my shoulder. luv u always.
dreaming awae at 8:22 PM
Friday, August 13, 2004
basically shld start w wednesdae since tuesday i m basically rottin at home. yahz. aniwae. wednesdae went 4 pe again. hav archery. n slack. hahaz. then went 4 chem lect. then both bio n maths tutorial. n i did my tutorials. though nt completed. hahaz. but i finally can pay attention durin tutorial. n mr tay who help mi check sum of my answers ask mi 2 mian bi si guo (face e wall n reflect). coz i got sum of my concepts mixed up. abit e nua.
went 2 watch movie w yee ke-ow. gabriel daddy. amir mummy. hui yun. tze hui sis. n marlom. hahaz. watch e notebk. erhz. dun reallie find it vry nice lahz. coz got too much kissin scenes. n those like sexual scenes. all vry reduntant. yahz. n becoz of all tis scenes. it's a nc16 movie. n tt marlom khar nv bring his ez link card. so he like cldnt watch it. n he ended up doin vry nua stuff.
oh yahz. i m interviewed by diana ser. hahaz. n disgraced raffles junior college as a result. coz she is like doin street interview on e issue cohabitation. then i speak singlish lahz. like. there's no sentence in standard english. yahz. then mummy even funnier. tok abt cohabitat. which is bio. hahahz. so funnie. oh my goodness. i hope they will like edit off mi. hahahz. so funnie.
went 2 long john silver at ps 2 eat w yee ke-ow. n heard 'dreamin of u'. my previous midi. luv it. i wan e complete song.
then yesterdae. thursdae. is mondae time table. so went 4 chem lect agan. n was kana asked 2 answer qns. nua. i brought it upon myself. coz i was laughin at yee ke-ow. then in e end. sighz. n marlom n kit fei. both pe reps. sittin on my side. laugh at mi. dotz. speechless can. sighz. n i didnt c my shuai ge. only saw his back so sad. then was further tramatised when mrs yeo asked us 2 write compo. sianz. life is reallie bad.
marlom n president yuen pon sch. n guess wat. they saw my shuai ge. oh my goodness. i m so jealous can. arhz. n e clever president yuen onli managed 2 take 2 photos of his back. i dun noe wat 2 sae.
went 4 chem remedial. n physics remedial. then write essay. n run one round coz was asked 2 accompany pple. then in e end. like onli run one round. n i was coughin like mad. coz i still sick wat. got alot of phlegm. sianz.
as 4 2dae. got physics lecture test lahz. wow liao. even though i didnt study alot. but i got study lorz. n i still dun noe how 2 do. sianz. n sum of e pts ms tan like yesterdae got tell mi lorz. wat rubbish. i m seriously prayin i wun fail. coz tis is like e first time i put in effort 2 study 4 physics lect test lorz. sighz
after tt. went 4 chem prac lahz. was dozin off liao. vry tired. n manage 2 finish off e prac n hav an early break. after tt went 2 check out e intranet n find out wat r e tings 2 be included in e pw written report. i tink my grp wun make it. sighz.
n e gp video is so stupid. so crap. n so sianz. waste of time. sighz. as 4 pe. hav soccer. wow liao. i officially declared tt i cant play soccer. n i m lucky tt i m born a gurl. went 2 play bassoon 4 awhile.
n marlom n anmin saw my shuai ge again. oh my goodness. w naked torso can. i hav notin 2 sae. notin. absolutely notin. sighz. i need more luck. maybe we juz dun hav e fate. nua.
dreaming awae at 9:19 PM
Monday, August 09, 2004
hmmz. shall tok abt yesterdae. went 2 meet my darlin first coz we wanted 2 go walk2 first. but in e end coz we quite late. so didnt walk alot lahz. meet up w xiang2. sok ee. yii ean. n went 2 buy macs 2 eat infront of esplanade. reallie alot of pple lahz. was so packed. but e fireworks is nice. nt bad. juz abit e short. abit e disappointed.
went 2 raffles city shoppin centre 2 buy a drink n wait 4 e crowd 2 thin. n went 2 yii ean's house. though we didnt tok much. but i feel sorta relaxed n at peace. i dun noe. but i muz sae i reallie luv n miss my sec 4 class alot.
ended up onli leavin yii ean's house 2dae at 5pm. abit e late. hahaz. almost cldnt catch e telecast of e national dae parade. n i saw du yang. oh gosh. hahaz. i was laughin so hard when i c his face. hahaz. n i will miss PM Goh vry much. coz i tink he is sumwan who can reallie command respect frm others. n reallie care abt e pple. thanx PM Goh. may u be happier n less stressed 3 daes later.
dreaming awae at 4:18 PM
Sunday, August 08, 2004
yupz. tt basically sum it up. hahaz. i m sick lahz. vry sick. sighz. okok. shld tok abt fridae. erhz. went 2 sch lahz. n was laggin my bassoon along w mi. coz i want 2 practise after e celebration. yahz. n e celebration abit e off lahz. maybe coz i no longer need 2 march. or maybe my sqmates r nt w mi animore. every national day celebration 4 e past 4 yrs. we will always be 2gether. sighz. i miss them. n e atmosphere is so much betta back in nanyang. sighz.
durin e celebration. i sneak off 2 find nana n tok 2 her. feel so good after tokin 2 my dear zhu mei. hahaz. i m older than her by 5 daes. we r classmates 4 4 yrs.
went 2 eat w yee ke-ow n marlom. n tok rubbish. so funnie. hmmz. yee ke-ow i m still wishin 4 tt 2 happen arhz. then i will drop into e drain. n u muz cum n rescue mi arhz. hahahz. i m abit e siao. but then yee ke-ow i tink u look star struck when we were tokin u noe.
went back 2 practise bassoon. n was nuain lahz. sighz. n becoz of tis i start 2 appreciate sumwan more lahz. yahz. maybe i m juz 2 tired 2 c tings properly. yahz. but no matter wat. reallie feel touched.
went 2 orchard 2 meet my og 4 an outin lahz. sianz. in e end onli like 5 gurlz turn up includin mi. in case u dun tink tt i m a gurl. went 2 eat chicken rice. n take neo print. so funnie lahz. reallie miss my og so much. then qing zhen n mei zhong turn up. n we were playin cards at mccafe at e shaw buildin. reallie miss them. sighz.
then yesterdae. went 2 sch 4 band. was vry tired. coz 4 e past few daes hav been sleepin late. n i had been washin clothes. coz mum away 4 hols. i m so jealous. sighz. n was doin e recordin of e college anthem. sighz. i dun noe wat 2 sae lahz. sumhow i m juz nt producin e results lehz. sianz. muz work harder. yahz.
then went 2 eat w du yang. hahaz. at macs. then he followed mi home can. n yee ke-ow also cum 2 my house. n we nua. play dai de. hahahz. n they laugh at my photos. dotz. coz i look like a 'reluctant alien'. hahaz.
as 4 2dae. goin 2 meet up w sum of my closest frens frm 408 2 watch fireworks n sleepover at yii ean's house. hahaz. miss them so much. hopefully we can crap thru e nite. hahaz.
dreaming awae at 1:16 PM
Thursday, August 05, 2004
aniwae yesterdae went 4 my first archery lesson coz of e pe elective tinggy. was quite ok. enjoy it. n i m like super dry lahz. coz nt alot of physical stuff. xcept pullin e bow. n i realise tt my aimin is reallie like rubbish. hahaz. but then my ah gong wei fang n mister tan. r quite zai. look so shuai lahz. hahaz. n i was interactin w jing2 taiwan fren. sze wei. yahz. quite a nice person.
then watch yii ean yee wei birdie n yingmei wong play snag golf. make mi laugh until i wanna die. hahaz. so funnie.
after lesson hav band. was supposed 2 practise e college anthem. but e prob is. i didnt play lahz. sighz. i hav no confidence in myself 2 play w e rest. esp like sight readin. sighz. in e end. hav 2 leave e band rm halfway so tt i can practise on my own. after tt. went back 2 band rm n sit in 4 e practise on symphony no 5. n try 2 cheer my nanny up. coz he like mi n yee ke-ow r e newbies of band. e wans wout ani backgrd. sighz. we r like still stranded. i reallie dun noe wat 2 sae.
as 4 2dae. i hav a total of 2h 40 mins worth of break. coz gp is a free period. was piain maths assignmt n physcis tutorial. manage 2 finish both. quite proud of myself. n i saw my shuai ge again. so happie. hahaz. but e prob is i cant remember how he look like. a bit e siao horz. but i reallie cant remember his face. hahaz. nvm. hopefully will c him again 2molo mornin. quite alot of tings happen 2dae. then dun reallie noe wat's real n wat's nt real. nvm lahz. i shall take a step backwards n juz observe. hmmz.
brought bassoon home. suppose 2 practise. but i tink i wun lahz. feel like ponin sch 2molo. so tt i can practise bassoon at home. sianz. i reallie cannt make it. sighz. rubbish.
2dae hav a interestin discussion w yee ke-ow. coz she ask mi whether i tink guys will like A. then i sae tt she shld ask a guy tt qn n nt mi. coz normally wat i sae is e direct opp of wat reallie is e case. sighz. i m reallie off lahz. sianz.
n i m wonderin lahz. abt sumtin. i dun noe whether tis apply 2 everywan. but it does apply 2 mi. while walkin on e road. n saw strangers walkin 2wards mi. i will always wonder wat r they doin. wonder how their character r like. wonder if they hav alot of frens. wonder how they spend an average dae. sumhow. i find it easier 2 c e good side of a stranger. than maybe sumwan close. i dun noe. i tink i m contradictin myself. but. did u realise. tt as time goes by. when u becum closer 2 sumwan. u will start cing more n more of tt person's bad pts. maybe tis is y. i like my shuai ge so much. simply becoz i dun noe him. wat do u tink?
dreaming awae at 7:15 PM
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
ok. shld tok abt sundae. was supposed 2 go n visit ailing but then sumting happen then didnt go. instead ended up goin queensway w yee ke-ow so as 2 help xiao yang buy his shoes. coz e whole sole came off. so funnie. make mi laugh until i tummyache. aniwae we found a "banana" shoe 4 du yang lahz. then we realise tt his burget is $50. so nua lahz. in e end we went 2 boon lay 2 buy lahz. n it cost $28. hahaz. i also bought one pair of shoes at $21. actuallie i saw another nicer pair. but then dun hav my size. so sad. sighz. nvm. reach home quite late lahz. then realise tt nv let my papa sign e progress report. juz at tt moment my bro came home. then my papa ask him wat is written there. sighz. kana scoldin lahz. coz i failed 2 subj. n juz passed 2 subj. my papa's face is like 2tally black. sighz. but then i continue 2 watch e variety show tt feature A*Mei on channel U. i reallie incorrigible. hahaz.
then yesterdae. was vry tired. nt enough sleep. survive thru e dae n went 4 1h plus chem remedial until 2.30pm. after tt was rushin physics assignmt b4 goin 2 physics remedial. i was so tired tt i cldnt tink at all. so watever qns tt ms tan ask mi i gave her e blank look. she is so gek tt she asks mi 2 go home n rest n read thru. ani qns then ask her. feel so pai sehz. after tt went 2 hospital 2 visit ailing. aniwae she changed ward again. now at ward 41 rm 7. which is an isolation rm. sighz. i saw e cranes tt all of us. her frens. fold 4 her on e wall. formin a big heart n e words "Get Well Soon" inside e heart. n there's a big card made by others also. saw her mum who look so tired. manage 2 c her after waitin 4 sum time coz e nurses r doin sumting. i muz sae she look betta than e last time i c her. her mum said tt her condition has stablised. i feel so relieved. aniwae was holdin her hand. then she woke up. sorta. i nt reallie sure. n her mum ask mi 2 tok 2 her. aniwae her e other fren who was there start tokin first lahz. then i juz managed 2 sae tis lahz. "Ailing, i m chee li. do u still remember mi?" in mandrian. n she started 2 jerk around. oh my. my heart ache so much. almost cry. my tears was brimmin. she sorta stare at mi. then went back 2 sleep. i was holdin her hand. e hand tt has e dead skin on her knuckles due 2 friction when she fall onto e road. i hope tt i can give her more comforts. her left leg r still like in those metal cast. coz her left leg bone is shattered. n she was tied 2 e bed coz she will like suddenly sit up. n she keep on movin abt. my heart feel so painful cing her. but i muz sae. i can feel e hope now. her face is less bloated n she reallie does look betta. life is nt tt cruel.
aniwae sumting happened when i was inside her rm. while holdin her hand when she is sleepin. my vision suddenly blurred n i cannt hear anitin. i tink i was goin 2 faint alrdy. i tink it's due 2 my low blood pressure. n e fact tt i lack sleep. i cant imagine wat will happen if i faint inside e rm. so i quickly went out. my body was covered w cold sweat. so i called my papa 2 fetch mi home. n went 2 bukit timah food centre 2 eat. hahaz.
as 4 2dae. was a reallie long dae. survive thru my 2h 40 mins worth of lectures listenin thruout. hahaz. yang lin sae tt i m so angelic 2dae. n she can c e halo above my head. hahaz. but i reallie gained alot frm listenin. esp physics. my worst subj. i regret tt i nv make e effort 2 do tis. 2 listen 2 lectures no matter how tired i m. sighz. then mrs singh nv cum so i ended up w a 2 hr long break. went 2 macs 2 eat w sum of e class peepz. then came back 2 sch 2 do work. which i didnt do much lahz. went 4 bio prac n nua. didnt do alot of constructive stuff. n rush 2 e imre tok w hao ming. n realise tt i will nv make it as a researcher. coz i will nv be able 2 pass e min criteria. which is 4 A levels distinctions (i.e. 4As). n 2 'S' papers. i tink also distinction. siao. 4get it. wat rubbish.
then saw X. who was sittin behind mi durin e tok. we were frm e same pri sch. was in e same class 4 a period of time. but he dun seem 2 recognise mi. abit e disappointed.
aniwae poor yee ke-ow didnt noe tt i was attendin a tok. so she called mi n msged mi. due 2 e fact tt i wan 2 type a short msg. i didnt xplain 2 her tt i m attendin a tok. so she ended up openin e lt door. n nua. hahaz. sorrie. reallie sorrie.
went 2 eat at bukit timah food centre again 2dae. w papa n mama again. e food reallie vry nice. muz go there n eat horz.
ailing. u r doin vry well. we r still here. jia you. jia you. we will always be here 4 u. luv u always. dun ever give up.
dreaming awae at 8:12 PM