Thursday, May 05, 2005
HAPPIE BIRTHDAE UNCLE HUI YAN! i luv u always.
hav a lunch outin w christine on wed. hav a reallie fun time whinin 2 her. hahaz. was reallie glad 2 c her. did sum work in sch b4 leavin to teach tuition. n due 2 e heavy rain at bishan rjc onli. i took e bus n took 30 mins 2 reach e interchange instead of e normal 12 mins. feel reallie stupid. my tutee is havin her exams now. i do hope tt she do well. or else i will be out of job soon.
2dae is band syf. my first band syf. my 2nd time sittin in as one of e mani audience 2 listen 2 e band play. e first time was durin Vox last yr at esplanade. left sch at 9 plus w yee keow n du yang 2 go 2 SCH so tt we can sit in e mornin session 2. n listen 2 other bands.
acjc was gd. mjc was vry gd. vjc was vry gd. njc was gd. jjc was nt bad even though their whole brass section onli hav 11 pple. can u imagine how's small is tt? tt was all i remembered after listenin 2 e first 8 bands in e mornin. includin 8 versions of singapore rhasphody. mj n vj sound vry solid. n their brasses r reallie vry gd. i was vry worried abt rj then. coz e image of mj playin n e music frm vj keep on playin in my mind. started 2 msg pple 2 wish them luck n cheer them on. n try 2 calm myself down.
afternoon session started. tpjc then rj. sittin in e audience. i was so scared tt i felt rather cold. can reallie imagine how e band felt rite at tt moment. e band came on stage. n i dun noe y. but i started 2 cry. maybe i m juz being over worried. but after hearin e singapore rhasphody i thot tt we sound gd. reallie. then came e chosen. felt reallie nostalgic. i can mentally insert myself inside e band. but truthfully i was rather thanxful tt i wasnt in e band. coz i wun be able 2 handle e stress n will start goin off tune which is my fav ting 2 do. tis decision is e best 4 both e band n mi. felt tt e chosen was gd 2. n there r reallie improvements since a tempo.
e rest of e bands juz passed by. n when it's tj's turn. i started 2 feel worried again. tj is gd. except 4 their clarinets. or one of them who keep on squeakin. other than tt i felt tt on e whole they r gd. juz tt i dun like their version of e chosen. w e piccolo n flute coverin e bassoon durin e bassoon solo.
e results r reallie shockin. when mj n vj didnt get gold w honours. i was reallie vry scared. i was waitin 4 e 'w honours' but it didnt come. n reality is thrown full fledge into e face. shall nt comment much on e results. except tt i felt one of e jc shldnt receive all e glory it had 2dae. coz they r reallie nt tt gd.
i felt vry apologetic 2wards those who were affected by wat i sae b4 e release of e results. e pain. e sorrow. e anger is clearly shown on faces. tears rolled down disappointed faces. n i feel reallie sad 4 us all even though i didnt play. coz i noe tis is e hardest fall ani of us hav ever experienced. n seriously i dun noe wat 2 do. coz i guess i didnt expect tis 2 happen.
e journey back 2 sch seem 2 be nv endin. e silence in e bus made e air seem heavy. when we reached ri. i didnt dare 2 go into e bandrm. blame it on my cowardice. i dun noe how 2 face my batchmates who r cryin. i cant sae tt it's ok coz it's seriously nt ok. i dun noe how 2 comfort them coz i nv experience tis in my life. those who did nt play hav 2 be strong 4 those who played. but cin others cry made mi feel vry sad n tears rolled down my cheeks while huggin my iris biao jie.
thanx hui yan uncle n nicole 4 e cd n e rubber band. i reallie appreciate them. thanx vry much.
i juz wanna sae tis tt we r all human beings. we all hav emotions. when faced w disappointment. it's ok 2 cry over it. be angree abt it. be regretful abt it. everywan needs time 2 grief. needs time 2 let out e stress n lighten e emotion burden. but ultimately when e grievin is completed. n e mind starts 2 tink. i do hope tt we can learn frm it n move on. coz tis is e most valuable lesson tt we can learn.at least tis is wat i believe. coz i went thru tis stage. n seriously. we will emerge as a stronger individual respectively.
hopefully. after tis e whole band can bond 2 each other betta n be united as a whole. coz u will find frenship n form strong bonds durin e difficult times. though we missed our footin tis time round. i do noe tt w our changed wae of tinkin. we will be able 2 bring rjcsb 2 new heights. w lotsa hardwork n bondin of course. i remembered back in my sec sch life. durin my uniformed grp cca. we used 2 sae 'all for one. one for all'. i hav confidence tt we will be tis after we moved on. but first. lets give ourselves time 2 recover. coz we r pple w feelins. emotions. or else we wun be able 2 produce music n used music 2 tok 2 each other. jia you!
