Reflection
Look at me,
You may think you see
Who I really am,
But you'll never know me.
Everyday,
it's as if I play
A part.
Now I see,
If I wear a mask,
I can fool the world,
but I cannot fool my heart.
Who is that girl I see?
Staring straight,
Back at me.
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now,
In a world
Where I have to hide in my heart,
and what I believe in.
But somehow,
I will show the world what's inside my heart,
And be loved for who I am.
Who is that girl I see,
staring straight
back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that I'm
someone else
for all time.
When will my reflection show,
who I am inside?
There's a heart that must be free
to fly
That burns with a need to know
the reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel?
Must there be
a secret me
I'm forced to hide
I won't pretend that I'm
someone else
for all time.
When will my reflection show
who I am inside?
Monday, April 18, 2005
went 2 chorale concert yesterdae. 4 av duty. feel reallie vry vry nua tt mi n randy hav 2 reach so early. like we hav notin 2 do there. xcept 2 read newspaper n listen 2 chorale rehearsing. abit off lahz. summore we onli hav 1 batt. so we walked all e wae frm Victoria Concert Hall to Raffles City Shoppin Centre to buy another wan. but guess wat? 1 battery cost like $75? wow liao. i m amazed manz. so in e end didnt buy lahz.
e concert is in my opinion. nt as gd as last yr. pardon my frankness. i was quite disappointed lahz. coz e strong n confident vocals i luved n knew frm last yr concert r no longer there. e songs presented r nt vry upliftin n all in foreign languages which no wan can understand. i noe tt tis yr theme is ard e world. but then. e songs presented r reallie weird. e 2 a cappella grps lost their magic. e wae they engaged audience a yr ago. overall. was quite disappointed lahz. coz i reallie enjoyed last yr concert alot.
almost blow up 2dae. seriously. i m goin 2 blow up. 1 of these daes. e insensitivity displayed made mi qn. y on earth will i hav tt gd impression in e first place. y did i put up w all e nonsense 4 e past yr. i m such a fool. such an idiot. i m tired. vry tired. e reason tt caused mi 2 be upset. u noe. y muz u still rub it in? do u noe how hard it is 2 try 2 act normal. try 2 think logically. think positively. 2 try 2 be happie. 2 try 2 be natural. i m nt askin alot. i m juz askin abit more understandin. sensitivity. izzt 2 much?
2dae durin chem prac. while tokkin 2 birdie. i suddenly experienced tis sharp pain at my pinkie there. cldnt stop e shout of pain in time. tink i scared birdie. so sorrie birdie. i m debatin now whether i shld start takin painkillers again. hmmz. n i realise tt durin rainy daes. my pinkie hurts more. tink i m developin arthritis. oh well. will be goin 4 therapy again 2molo. most prob will be my last therapy liao.
2dae is my papa's birthdae. though he dun noe anitin abt internet or blog. juz wanna wish my papa a vry HAPPIE BIRTHDAE! hahaz. he is gettin old. oh dear. but i still tink he is gd lookin. so ego. oopz. hahaz.
[from another place]
had audition on saturdae. was totally unprepared. n i tink i muz hav looked vry devastated. tt dawnie. started tellin mi tt everyting will be ok. tt she n samuel promised mi b4 tt they will help mi get into syf tis yr no matter wat. i guess emotions juz overwhelmed mi at tt moment. n i cried lahz. feel quite pai sehz. come 2 tink abt it.
well i m mentally prepared tt i will nt be in syf. rephrased. i m nt in syf. nt will nt be. but i juz cant help but feel reallie vry disappointed. coz seriously. i did put in e efforts 2 learn n play e instru. wout e help frm aniwan. i struggled 4 9 mths. until dawnie n samuel came at e beginnin of e yr. i dun even noe where 2 buy reeds. dun even noe wat i m supposed 2 noe. dun even noe how 2 play e instru properly. dun even noe how 2 read scales. dun even noe how 2 read e rhythm. dun even noe anitin abt music. 2 sumwan how hav a passable noeledge of scores n scales n tone. but still i didnt make e mark. if i were 2 sae tt i m ok w it. i m lyin.
i remember 1 yr ago. when i didnt get 2 perform 4 Vox at esplanade i cried. i cried 2 yii ean over e phone. cried n cried until i cld barely speak. tis is e first time i cried over a cca. cried over such ting. becoz rite at tt moment i felt so disappointed. so sad. tt all my hard work hav come 2 a nought. but at tt moment i kept on tellin myself. it's ok. i still hav syf tis yr. but now. i suddenly realised tt my band life hav juz ended. w e absense of syf. tt i hav failed e final goal i hav set 4 myself. tt everytin i hav done is juz nt enough. tt maybe i m nt hardworkin enough.
maybe i shld stop tinking.
dreaming awae at 6:30 PM
