Reflection
Look at me,
You may think you see
Who I really am,
But you'll never know me.
Everyday,
it's as if I play
A part.
Now I see,
If I wear a mask,
I can fool the world,
but I cannot fool my heart.
Who is that girl I see?
Staring straight,
Back at me.
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now,
In a world
Where I have to hide in my heart,
and what I believe in.
But somehow,
I will show the world what's inside my heart,
And be loved for who I am.
Who is that girl I see,
staring straight
back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that I'm
someone else
for all time.
When will my reflection show,
who I am inside?
There's a heart that must be free
to fly
That burns with a need to know
the reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel?
Must there be
a secret me
I'm forced to hide
I won't pretend that I'm
someone else
for all time.
When will my reflection show
who I am inside?
Saturday, April 23, 2005
spent my most tirin dae in sch yesterdae. though it's nt my longest dae. i almost died at e end of e dae. juz becoz of e sheer size of e new campus. i suddenly missed e old rj mt sinai campus vry vry much. coz it's so much small. so much cozier. so much friendlier. was watchin e news yesterdae. n saw snips of e old rj in e report on e nus high sch. i missed old rjc. even w its lousy facilities esp e track. oh my goodness. e horror of it. but i still like it.
so basically i spent e dae shufflin my feet/walkin on my soles 4 e whole dae. n it doesnt help tt i hav 2 move 2 alot of places. n e fact tt e lifts r always full. i waited 4 a total of 4 lifts 2 pass mi on their wae down b4 i admit defeat n tried 2 hobble down frm 4th storey 2 1M. i seriously cannt imagine wat will happen 2 mi if i were at e 7th storey instead. but tis show how irritated i was w e inconsiderate pple. yahz. i learned 2 value my feet more.
so aniwae all my teachers tink tt i m a vry dotz person. first i injured my pinkie. now i hav viral infection on both feet n can barely walk or stand 4 a long time. oh dear. i reallie make a name 4 myself 4 being e most accident prone person on earth. n i hav tis vry ugly lookin greenish-purplish bruise on my rite arm. wout noein how it gets there in e first place. which further concrete e extensiveness of my accident prone streak.
was bargainin w mr low 2 skip bio remedial coz i m like how tired n tortured by e sch. n he finally relent provided i take e bio test next mon or tues. but guessed wat? instead of being able 2 go home early after e gp tok. i was doin av duty in lt 2 4 e raffles asia prog opening ceremony w prof tommy koh gracin e event. was doin video tapin n e event last until like 5? while e gp tok i was supposed 2 attend in lt 1 ended at 4. worse still. i was sufferin frm a splittin headache. was so relieved when i finally reached e end of e dae n was inside my papa's car. thanx goodness. i seriously dun tink i can make my wae 2 bishan mrt.
so i went home. took a shower. n was sound asleep by 6.40 pm until 1 plus am. hahaz. cldnt sleep after tt. was tossin n turnin b4 i fall asleep at ard 3 plus i tink. hav spent better of 2dae battlin my wae thru e mountain of newspaper. n i m sad 2 sae i m still vry far awae frm e end. realise tt i hav alot of hmwk n test 2 study 4. goodness. hopefully will be more productive later on.
juz wanna sae sometin. sumtimes e hardest ting 4 a person is 2 learn 2 forgive oneself. forgive oneself 4 being human. 4 being an imperfect living being. 4 having limits. 4 nt meetin up 2 expectations. i m statin myself as a real life example. i failed my expectations. whether it was in studies. in cca. in my health even. i took a vry long time 2 recover frm my failure 2 be normal after my injury. even my therapist was like tellin mi tt i m pushin myself wae 2 hard. tt tis will make my pinkie worse instead of betta. but i learnt. i learned tt ultimately as long as i noe i put in e efforts. even if i failed 2 meet e mark. i shldnt be ashamed of myself. be disappointed. coz i did try everyting within my means. n i did gain sumting in return. even if it was gained frm e process of cryin non stop. of harpin onto e past. of fearin everyting tt can poss happen in e future. of blamin myself. of hidin sumwhere n refused 2 face aniwan. at least i did learn sumting.
i always tell myself since i was old enough. tt i shall live a life w no regrets. true. i didnt manage 2 do it in e manner i set out 2 achieve. but i did attain tis life long rule to a certain extent. in e sense tt i learnt 2 look 4ward. life wout a regrets doesnt necessarily mean reallie a life wout regrets. but it can be a life w regrets. but w e acceptance of e presence of such regrets n e ability 2 learn frm them n move on. sumtimes pushin oneself 2 hard doesnt mean attainin e goal set out 2 achieve. juz like wat happen 2 mi. my pinkie deteriorate. nt attainin a goal doesnt mean failure 2. it means success. success in understand oneself betta. noein own's limitations n acknowledgin tt one is a human being after all. an imperfect person. n need a listenin ear. a shoulder. n a hug at times...
dreaming awae at 3:57 PM
