Reflection
Look at me,
You may think you see
Who I really am,
But you'll never know me.
Everyday,
it's as if I play
A part.
Now I see,
If I wear a mask,
I can fool the world,
but I cannot fool my heart.
Who is that girl I see?
Staring straight,
Back at me.
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now,
In a world
Where I have to hide in my heart,
and what I believe in.
But somehow,
I will show the world what's inside my heart,
And be loved for who I am.
Who is that girl I see,
staring straight
back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that I'm
someone else
for all time.
When will my reflection show,
who I am inside?
There's a heart that must be free
to fly
That burns with a need to know
the reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel?
Must there be
a secret me
I'm forced to hide
I won't pretend that I'm
someone else
for all time.
When will my reflection show
who I am inside?
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
ok. shld tok abt sundae. was supposed 2 go n visit ailing but then sumting happen then didnt go. instead ended up goin queensway w yee ke-ow so as 2 help xiao yang buy his shoes. coz e whole sole came off. so funnie. make mi laugh until i tummyache. aniwae we found a "banana" shoe 4 du yang lahz. then we realise tt his burget is $50. so nua lahz. in e end we went 2 boon lay 2 buy lahz. n it cost $28. hahaz. i also bought one pair of shoes at $21. actuallie i saw another nicer pair. but then dun hav my size. so sad. sighz. nvm. reach home quite late lahz. then realise tt nv let my papa sign e progress report. juz at tt moment my bro came home. then my papa ask him wat is written there. sighz. kana scoldin lahz. coz i failed 2 subj. n juz passed 2 subj. my papa's face is like 2tally black. sighz. but then i continue 2 watch e variety show tt feature A*Mei on channel U. i reallie incorrigible. hahaz.
then yesterdae. was vry tired. nt enough sleep. survive thru e dae n went 4 1h plus chem remedial until 2.30pm. after tt was rushin physics assignmt b4 goin 2 physics remedial. i was so tired tt i cldnt tink at all. so watever qns tt ms tan ask mi i gave her e blank look. she is so gek tt she asks mi 2 go home n rest n read thru. ani qns then ask her. feel so pai sehz. after tt went 2 hospital 2 visit ailing. aniwae she changed ward again. now at ward 41 rm 7. which is an isolation rm. sighz. i saw e cranes tt all of us. her frens. fold 4 her on e wall. formin a big heart n e words "Get Well Soon" inside e heart. n there's a big card made by others also. saw her mum who look so tired. manage 2 c her after waitin 4 sum time coz e nurses r doin sumting. i muz sae she look betta than e last time i c her. her mum said tt her condition has stablised. i feel so relieved. aniwae was holdin her hand. then she woke up. sorta. i nt reallie sure. n her mum ask mi 2 tok 2 her. aniwae her e other fren who was there start tokin first lahz. then i juz managed 2 sae tis lahz. "Ailing, i m chee li. do u still remember mi?" in mandrian. n she started 2 jerk around. oh my. my heart ache so much. almost cry. my tears was brimmin. she sorta stare at mi. then went back 2 sleep. i was holdin her hand. e hand tt has e dead skin on her knuckles due 2 friction when she fall onto e road. i hope tt i can give her more comforts. her left leg r still like in those metal cast. coz her left leg bone is shattered. n she was tied 2 e bed coz she will like suddenly sit up. n she keep on movin abt. my heart feel so painful cing her. but i muz sae. i can feel e hope now. her face is less bloated n she reallie does look betta. life is nt tt cruel.
aniwae sumting happened when i was inside her rm. while holdin her hand when she is sleepin. my vision suddenly blurred n i cannt hear anitin. i tink i was goin 2 faint alrdy. i tink it's due 2 my low blood pressure. n e fact tt i lack sleep. i cant imagine wat will happen if i faint inside e rm. so i quickly went out. my body was covered w cold sweat. so i called my papa 2 fetch mi home. n went 2 bukit timah food centre 2 eat. hahaz.
as 4 2dae. was a reallie long dae. survive thru my 2h 40 mins worth of lectures listenin thruout. hahaz. yang lin sae tt i m so angelic 2dae. n she can c e halo above my head. hahaz. but i reallie gained alot frm listenin. esp physics. my worst subj. i regret tt i nv make e effort 2 do tis. 2 listen 2 lectures no matter how tired i m. sighz. then mrs singh nv cum so i ended up w a 2 hr long break. went 2 macs 2 eat w sum of e class peepz. then came back 2 sch 2 do work. which i didnt do much lahz. went 4 bio prac n nua. didnt do alot of constructive stuff. n rush 2 e imre tok w hao ming. n realise tt i will nv make it as a researcher. coz i will nv be able 2 pass e min criteria. which is 4 A levels distinctions (i.e. 4As). n 2 'S' papers. i tink also distinction. siao. 4get it. wat rubbish.
then saw X. who was sittin behind mi durin e tok. we were frm e same pri sch. was in e same class 4 a period of time. but he dun seem 2 recognise mi. abit e disappointed.
aniwae poor yee ke-ow didnt noe tt i was attendin a tok. so she called mi n msged mi. due 2 e fact tt i wan 2 type a short msg. i didnt xplain 2 her tt i m attendin a tok. so she ended up openin e lt door. n nua. hahaz. sorrie. reallie sorrie.
went 2 eat at bukit timah food centre again 2dae. w papa n mama again. e food reallie vry nice. muz go there n eat horz.
ailing. u r doin vry well. we r still here. jia you. jia you. we will always be here 4 u. luv u always. dun ever give up.
dreaming awae at 8:12 PM
